Baiting is a technique that all narcissists use to provoke a reaction from their victims. It is a way to get people reeled in. What they want is that hit or high. We call that narcissistic supply. It is a way of feeding their ego and feeding their need to feel validated and to feed that black hole that is inside of them. It makes them feel powerful. It makes them feel like they matter. They don’t have any internal sense of value. They get that need, feeling of value, from external sources. Baiting is one of the techniques that they use to serve that.
They provoke a reaction from people by doing things. They might send an e-mail out there that they know is going to annoy you by saying something that they know is not true or they know is going to be inflammatory or they know is going to upset you. They might say things that they know are inflammatory. They purposely stir things up. The goal of it is to get you to be angry or to get you to respond to them.
They do it for several reasons. They do it because they think it is funny. They do it because they enjoy seeing you upset. They get a high from it. Beyond that, it is even worse. They also use your reactions against you. They’ll say “look there’s the crazy person” or “there is the one who is delusional” or “there is the one who shouldn’t have the children” or “there’s the one who is psychotic and should be put away” or whatever. They are often the ones who can stay calm and not react and look the part of a normal person. Often, if it is marriage counseling or something like that, they are the ones who can sway the counselor into thinking the other person is crazy and that they are the normal one. They can sway mediators. They can sway judges.
There was a miniseries called “I Care A Lot” where the guardian was able to the aging people to look like they were the ones who were crazy and get them committed so that she could take their money. She would whisper in their ear and make them look like they were crazy on camera. That is baiting to get people riled up.
They use all sorts of forms such as insults, name-calling, threats, silence treatment, etc. There are several different forms that they will use. Most importantly, you need to remember is that if you find yourself getting baited is to not take the bait. They are almost like fishing and they start reeling you in. You are like the fish with the hook in your mouth being pulled into it. You don’t want to be that because the purpose of it is to provoke that reaction from you. It can be dangerous. A case with a narcissist is just like being arrested anything you say can be used against you. It makes them feel powerful. It makes them feel in control. It can often lead to verbal abuse or physical abuse. It empowers them. It is very important for you to remain in control. Communicate with respectfully if you need to but don’t allow them to take that control from you. Don’t allow them that power.
If you want another tool to help with a narcissist, check out my free list of 15 key phrases to disarm a narcissist at http://disarmthenarc.com
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