By Rebecca Zung, Esq.
I know you think that narcissists are hurt by indifference and that they could not stand being ignored, this is true, but I have something that will hurt them even more–things that drive them to the edge. Today, I will give you the four things that hurt a narcissist more than our indifference.
Now, let us pause for a moment and talk about the psychology of a narcissist and what makes them tick so we would understand why these things hurt them. A narcissist does not have any inherent inner sense of value. To survive, they require a constant supply of validation through external sources to fill the void, called the Narcissistic Supply. Since narcissists are like black holes that do not hold any sense of value, they will continue to feel empty even if you pour yourself into their needs. There is just no way to fill them. Eventually, whoever the source of that supply is, that person will get drained, tired, and emaciated. Although ignoring the narcissist might help, it would not do much since they will move on and look for someone else who can provide them with what they need. Now that we have shined some light on their psychology, let us jump into today’s article.
So, what hurts a narcissist more than indifference? Number one on this list is: Moved on to somebody better. If you have someone, they perceive to have more wealth, are better looking, or have more power, it will hurt them. Guaranteed! On the other hand, they think that they are hurting you when they have a new supply. They will parade that new source like a peacock would display its feathers. It will be on full display for everyone to see. Even if you do not care. Even if you are grateful that they are gone. That is our number one!
Coming in at number two: Cutting off their best source of supply. Whatever they think to be their best source of supply is; stature, money, sex, prominence, etc. if you cut that off, it will hurt them more than indifference. Starve them from that supply that nourishes them. For instance, maybe they feel like they have prestige whenever they swing by the country club or feel a certain kind of prominence whenever they are at church, take these validations away, and it will hurt them.
Third on this list is: Losing. When I say losing, it is not just about losing a game. It is about losing something tied to their identity or public persona, like a celebrity, a model, or anyone with their identity hanging on their looks. If they feel young and beautiful, aging will hurt them. As we age, things will show up on our skin. Wrinkles, sunspots, and blemishes will occur. This natural process of aging is going to do a number on narcissists. Another is when they lose their money. I witnessed people pushed to the edge when they lost their money in the stock market and how they became suicidal because their money was their entire identity. Whenever a narcissist loses something that their identity is tied to, it is a source of pain.
Finally, the thing that shakes them to their very core: Exposing them to their best supply. Let me start by pointing out that there are two types of Narcissistic Supply: Diamond and Coal. Diamond level of supply is their reputation, validation, and how they look or appear to the world around them. Coal is when they manipulate people around them and inflict trauma, drama, and suffering. So, if you want to hurt a narcissist, you need to go for the jugular and hit them at the Diamond level. Exposing them to the people they respect, try to impress, or look good to will hurt more than indifference, no doubt about it.
Remember that there is no better day than today to start negotiating your best life. They only win if you give in.