Narcissist Conflict NegotiationFrequently Asked Questions
Is mediating with a narcissist a waste of time?
Yes and No. Yes if you haven’t developed the proper super strong strategy and the invincible leverage you will need in order to squeeze them enough to motivate them into wanting to negotiate with you. It is definitely NOT a waste of time once you have prepared properly and have the ammunition you need to incentivize the narcissist to come to fair and equitable resolution.
Is it even possible to get what you want when you’re negotiating with a narcissist?
It is absolutely possible. Many people say that you can never win against a narcissist, and if you haven’t developed the right strategy and leverage, then you will never get what you want from a narcissist. Once you know how to shift the dynamic so that you aren’t constantly feeling like you’re defending yourself, so that you finally are the one driving the outcomes, you will be the one sitting in the power position for a change.
How do I get leverage over a narcissist?
The trick to finding leverage is all wrapped up in the concept of narcissistic supply. Narcissistic supply is anything that feeds a narcissist’s ego. They get supply from normal things the feed people’s egos such as money, prestige, compliments and adulation, but they also get supply from things such as jerking people around, withholding information and using the court system, money and children as their weapons of destruction. In order to get leverage over the narcissist, you will have to figure out what source of supply will be more important for the narcissist to protect and keep, than the supply that they get from making your life miserable.
What are some good phrases to use when dealing with a narcissist?
When you are dealing with a narcissist, you will have to learn to take your emotions out of any actual interaction with them. If you have to scream into your pillow or in the shower later, then do that without prejudice, but when you are with them or writing texts or emails to them, look at the situation as if you are an observer just writing the facts. So you can say things to them such as “I understand that’s how you see it, and you are entitled to that opinion.” Or “You seem angry or upset right now. Let’s talk later once you’ve had a chance to calm down.” Or “I agree with you.” For many more phrases, check out my video on Phrases to Disarm a Narcissist.
What are some things I should be doing to protect myself before divorcing a narcissist?
Divorcing a narcissist will be no picnic. You have to prepare for the fight of your life. There is light at the end of the tunnel though. You’re in hell now, and you’ll be in hell during the divorce, then your life will get better. To prepare for the divorce, make sure you have a stash of cash (enough to live on for at least a few months, to hire a lawyer, and to get the SLAY Your Negotiation with a Narcissist program :)). You will also want to know what your living arrangements are, change all your passwords, have a secure email to use and think about having a written parenting plan in place before moving out.