Sometimes it is hard to have a conversation about abuse and especially emotional abuse. A lot of times people only want to talk about certain types of abuse. Emotional abuse, especially when you are in a toxic situation, can be difficult to talk about. First, I want to dispel a myth about “no-fault” divorce. People may say that “fault never matters” and that is a myth. “No fault” just means that you do not have to prove fault in order to get divorced. Years ago, you had to prove fault in order to get divorced and you had to have certain grounds like abandonment or something like that. Now you just have to say irretrievably broken or whatever but that does not mean that fault never matters. For sure, there are times that fault can come into play. Emotional abuse is a little bit tricky though because it is much harder to prove, but emotional abuse is certainly abuse for sure. There are times that you can weave it into a case especially if you can look at it in terms of a custody statute or something like that. To contact the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
The hotline says that if your partner attempts any of the following then that may be emotional abuse.
#1) to exert control by calling you names, insulting you, or constantly criticizing you.
#2) to act jealous, to be possessive or to refuse to trust you, especially if they are constantly accusing you of doing things just for no reason whatsoever.
#3) to isolate you from family, friends, or other people in your life or you are not allowed to make phone calls at a certain time, or you are not allowed to go see people at a certain time.
#4) to monitor your activities with or without your knowledge including demanding to know where you go, who you are in contact with, or how you spend your time or is constantly monitoring you or putting a GPS on your car or things like that.
#5) to control what you wear including clothes, make-up, or hairstyles.
#6) to humiliate you in any way especially in front of others.
#7) to try an attempt at gas-lighting you by refusing to listen to you or by pretending to not understand.
#8) to threaten you, your children, your family or your pets with or without weapons in any way.
#9) to damage your belongings including throwing objects, punching walls, or kicking doors.
#10) to blame you for their abusive behaviors.
#11) to accuse you of cheating.
#12) to cheat on you in order to hurt you and then threaten to cheat again.
#13) to tell you that you are so lucky to be with them.
There is a Maya Angelou quote which is so perfect that says “when people show you who they are believe them, the first time”. Then when they try to say they are sorry it is a narcissist fauxpology. It is probably a bunch of crap. What narcissists really mean when they are sorry is probably sorry, not sorry. Do not believe them. Stand in your power. You can grab your free Crush My Negotiation Worksheet (winmynegotiation.com) to learn how to crush your negotiation in just 5 steps.
