Do you want to know what the Magic Bullet is when it comes to negotiating with a narcissist?
When you are negotiating with a narcissist, it may feel impossible and seem like they always get away with things but when it seems like they do it is because we allow them to. Imagine for a moment that you asked a narcissist to do something for you. They might even have volunteered to take on the task. However, they usually don’t deliver. If you ask them why they didn’t keep their promise, they’ll act like you are nagging them and that you’re the one to blame or you’re a pain in the neck. Narcissists will keep getting away with everything until you get them in front of a judge to render an order on how things should proceed. Alternatively, you can use solid leverage which I call the “Magic Bullet”.
How do you create that Magic Bullet?
First, we need to talk about the hierarchy of narcissistic supply. Narcissists are driven by supply because it’s the very thing that feeds and sustains them. Without it, they will lose control and it won’t look pretty. Since they don’t have any inner sense of value, it drives them to prey on whoever is near and try to get as much supply as they possibly can from them. They will try to make that person miserable, squirm, fearful, out of control, and will use their usual passive-aggressive stuff, etc. This supply must come from external sources because they just don’t have any internally. When it comes to the hierarchy of narcissistic supply, some narcissists are driven by certain types of supplies while some are driven by others. They can be unique in that way, however, reputation and looks are certainly going to be on the top of every narcissist’s list and should be considered Grade A. Ties with prestigious, influential, or powerful individuals would also definitely be at the top of their list since narcissists will protect those at any cost. Any of these Grade A supplies can be used as leverage. Any of these can be used as the Magic Bullet. That’s where you have to go if you want to create leverage. You’ll want to get them nervous that their Grade A supply, the one that means the most, will be taken away.
Now, you might not actually take it away (unless you must), but they must feel that those are not idle threats at all. You must be ready to go forward with your threats if it comes down to it. Think of it this way, a football team with impeccable defence but terrible offense means no one is scoring any points and it is crucial that you’re the one scoring those points. That’s why you must strategize and go on the offensive and create your leverage. You have to create your Magic Bullet. When their source of supply is really threatened, they’ll have to make a choice to let you go so they can keep the supply that means more to them.
So, that’s the Magic Bullet right there. It’s about threatening their preferred top-tier form of Grade A narcissistic supply so they let go of the garden variety type, which is YOU. Ideally, they don’t want to let go of any form of it. So, giving up the supply that they get from jerking you around and making you miserable is not going to be easy but if they’re driven to the brink, they will have to let you go to keep the Grade A supply.
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