Are you dealing with a narcissist and they keep making promises that they never keep? In this article, I’m going to show you why this kind of behavior is toxic and share with you some examples of what and how they pull it off. Have you unknowingly been playing the part? Let’s get to it.
Let’s first talk about what Future Faking is. Future Faking is a tactic narcissists use to get people to do things for them. This occurs in romantic relationships, familial ones, and in work environments too. Just like what the name suggests, Future Faking is when someone promises you a fake future, a mirage if you will. It’s all promises, totally intangible, and most definitely, doesn’t ever get materialized at all. Basically, it’s someone saying that they’re not going to do anything for you right now, but they will do something for you in the future as long as you do something for them right this very moment. The reason why narcissists let their mouths write these checks that they can’t cash is that they never intend to keep any of these promises anyway. They don’t care at all that they could hurt or compromise people down the road, all they care is that their needs are met, and it’s met right now. Is this starting to sound familiar?
In romantic relationships, Future Faking can be in the context of a beautiful life, the kids, the dog, and a white picket fence. But it can also take on various forms. Narcissists mold these empty promises based on your desires or want. If you long to travel the world, they will promise you lavish trips. Vacations? How about frozen margaritas with little umbrellas on a tropical island? How does that sound? If you seek wealth or financial independence, they’ll promise you riches. In work situations, narcissists can dangle promotions, perks, awards, prestige, or a pay raise. Familial relationships? Try promises of inheritance for size. Narcissists will essentially promise you the Sun and moon during this love bombing phase. I’ve known people who have gone through and lived this hell, and they say it’s like signing a pact with the devil. And I can tell you, from where I’m standing, it sure looks like one.
Catching on to this game of manipulation can be easy for some of us. We all know what broken promises are. We know how it looks and feels. So, if you ever find yourself starting to pull away from the narcissist’s clutches, know that I’ve seen them try to wiggle and find their way to suck people back into their control and manipulate them into submission once more. They could claim that they have changed, that perhaps they are seeking professional help, or that the situation has changed now which would allow them to fulfill their old promises. They can tell you that they are better than before and that if you let them in, life would be easier. Be wary of these things. It’s them dandling the carrot in front of a horse. Although there’s a small chance that they will start to fulfill their promises, give it some time…they will revert to their old selves, and before you know it, you’re in the deep again. Do narcissists actually mean to keep their promises? I certainly don’t know, but they don’t ever keep them for long.
Future Faking is so commonplace in work situations now that it has been normalized and perceived as part and parcel of a work environment. Have you ever experienced being promised a promotion, or better pay so you would stay? The whole idea of Future Faking is to string you along, to control and manipulate you. That’s why there are people like us that feel misled when we try to hold them to these things. Narcissists do lash out and will certainly turn the tables on us and act all angry when asked for our rights. They will throw things back at our faces, and list things that we failed to do that would warrant an actualization of their promise. I’ve seen this happen more than I would like to admit. Narcissists will move goalposts just to keep things a little out of reach.
Future faking is certainly a form of abuse and manipulation and is something that we all should recognize as a symptom of narcissism. This is not a sign of a healthy relationship at all. Healthy relationships are based on integrity and permit both or all parties to sit down and talk openly and respectfully about our needs, and what one or the other is willing to do to meet those needs and see it through. Any association that anyone of us would have that involves manipulation, in this case, Future Faking, doesn’t have that foundation at the least. So, if you’re going through this in your life right now, you will need to reassess your situation and have that tough conversation with yourself. You need to start acknowledging the symptoms.
Today is the best day to start negotiating your best life. They only win if you give in. I’ll meet you in the next article.
