It’s not fair! Oh my gosh, if I had a dollar for every time a client said this to me during my career as a lawyer, I might not be working anymore. But today, we’re going to talk about how to deal with that feeling of “it’s not fair.” In this article, I’m going to share with you how to handle the “it’s not fair” feeling when dealing with a narcissist in your life.
First, let’s address the “it’s not fair” mindset. You might find yourself in a situation where everything started beautifully. You meet this person, and they seem like the most charming, charismatic, and amazing individual on the planet. They make you feel like you’re the most incredible person they’ve ever met. Whether it’s a personal or professional relationship, they sweep you off your feet.
However, as time goes on, things start to crumble. Promises are broken, stories don’t add up, and explanations seem fishy. The person who once made you feel on top of the world now leaves you feeling like you can’t breathe or think straight. It’s like the magic has disappeared, and you’re left wondering, “Where did that person go?”
They might have plausible explanations for their behavior, blaming it on past trauma or a bad day at work. You find yourself letting things slide, thinking you can help them or save the relationship. But slowly, “it’s not fair” creeps in. You’ve invested so much, emotionally and often financially, and you feel the inequity of it all.
The promises continue to be unfulfilled, and your needs remain unmet. You never receive acknowledgment or an apology for their behavior. By this point, you’ve built up a deficit that you want to rectify. You want justice for all the broken promises and emotional turmoil.
But here’s the thing: you can’t expect the courts to deliver the justice you seek. The legal system isn’t designed to “make you whole” for the emotional toll a narcissist has taken on you. It has its own rules and limitations, which might not align with your desire for fairness.
While some situations do consider fault, it’s essential to understand that the court’s primary function is not to provide emotional restitution. Instead, it focuses on applying the law to resolve legal disputes.
So, what can you do? First, stop dwelling on the feeling of “it’s not fair.” It won’t lead you to a positive outcome. Instead, focus on building leverage through proper documentation and strategic negotiation.
Document every incident using a systematic approach. I teach a 12-point documentation strategy in my “SLAY” program, which you can explore to understand how to document the right way. Leverage this documentation when negotiating with the narcissist. Pressure and leverage are your allies in getting them to meet your needs.
While it might not happen instantly, you can work towards a resolution that benefits you. Remember that the narcissist is more afraid of you than you are of them. By adopting the right mindset and being strategic, you can secure a better outcome for yourself.
Avoid the “it’s not fair” mentality, as it only hinders your progress. Choose the path to winning and empowerment. You have the resources and support you need, including my free private Facebook group, “Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
Remember, today is a great day to start negotiating your best life. They only win if you give in, but together, we can change that.
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