Are you dealing with a narcissist in some kind of litigation where you have a lawyer involved? Well, stay tuned to find out what you should never say to your lawyer.
Hi, I’m Rebecca Zung, and I have been recognized as one of the top attorneys in the country, and I have written two best-selling books, Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide, and I’ve helped millions of people go from lives of crazy drama, trauma and chaos, toxic personalities, the worst thing that you could possibly think of, and I’ve given them step-by-step guidance either as an attorney or right here on my channel, through my SLAY programs, through my private coaching. And I’ve helped them gain access to knowledge, methods, and strategies, which have allowed them to live their lives authentically and create new beginnings and new futures. And if that’s what you want, then it’s time for you to subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell, and that way you’ll get notified when I upload new blogs.
So let’s talk about you, and your lawyer, and your relationship with that lawyer. I’m quite familiar, I’ve represented lots and lots of people over my many years, and I can tell you that most of the time, you do want to tell your lawyer absolutely everything. And for those of you who’ve read my book, Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide, I have a whole chapter in there about how to pick a lawyer, how to find your lawyer. And then I even, in my SLAY program, walk you step-by-step through how to find a lawyer and also questions for vetting a lawyer when you’re dealing with a narcissist.
99.9% of lawyers do not understand narcissism, and so it is hard to find a lawyer that understands what you’re dealing with. But most of the time you do want to tell your lawyer absolutely everything. And let me just make sure that that is really super clear, because I’ve had horror stories. Whatever you’re trying to hide from your lawyer, I guarantee you that the other side probably knows about it and you will be hearing about it, and it will probably be at a very inopportune time, like when you’re sitting in front of a judge, or a mediator, or something like that. And then here comes this information that you were trying to hide from your lawyer, and now your lawyer has no idea how to handle it, what to say, what to do, and is caught and doesn’t know how to spin it. So most of the time you do want to tell your lawyer absolutely everything, because then your lawyer will have an opportunity to spin whatever, even if it’s totally bad, a really, really, what we call bad fact, then we can spin it, we can figure out a way, we can get out in front of it.
I had a client one time who was actually a really great guy, but he lost it. At the beginning of the case, he found out his wife had spent the night with another guy and had lied about it, and he found out where she was and he went, and while she’s sleeping upstairs with the guy, he slashed her tires or he did something to take the air out of her tires. And that was what we call a bad fact. That’s not really something you really want to have a conversation about, but what would have happened if he didn’t tell me? Well, we would have been sitting there in court and there would have come that information, and I’d have been looking over at him going, “Excuse me, are we talking about the same person?” That’s not good. So you have to get a chance to spin that and get out in front of that, that’s so much better for your lawyer. And definitely, do not ever lie to your lawyer by the way, had that situation happened to you.
And I had a case where the client had told us that this account that had some money in it had been deferred compensation that was prior to him marrying this current wife, and so it was non-marital and blah, blah, blah. And so, I’m making this argument in front of the judge, and on a break during the trial, he leans over and says, “By the way, I lied about that, it was actually marital money, and actually it was money that I made during marriage.” I’m like, “Excuse me, this is not the good time.” No, so you do want to be honest with your lawyer and you do want to tell your lawyer everything, even if it’s yucky stuff about you, I guarantee you, your lawyer’s probably heard it before. There’s so little that actually shocks me nowadays because I’ve heard pretty much everything. So most of the time you do want to tell your lawyer absolutely everything.
And if you are so ready to have the information that you need to get out of this relationship and break free, give me a break free in the comments. So sometimes you can have a lawyer that’s not the greatest lawyer too, and you’re trying to tell them things, or maybe they’re not listening to you, or whatever, and if you want to know more about when it’s time to fire the lawyer that you have, or get out of the relationship with the lawyer that you have, check out my blog on signs that it’s maybe time to fire your lawyer, lots of good information in there.
So let’s talk about what you should not really just say to your lawyer. And that’s where I come down to, you just don’t want to say anything to your lawyer that’s going to cause your lawyer to lose confidence in you as a person. Meaning, you don’t want to just say, “That person is crazy,” or “That person’s a narcissist,” these big pronouncements like that without backing it up is actually not going to be helpful for you. Because if you come across as really, really emotional, and you’re just saying things and you’re spewing things, your lawyer is actually going to start to be like the rest of the world and not necessarily believe you and not necessarily have your back.
So you don’t want that to happen, you don’t want your lawyer to actually start turning on you. And another thing that can make a lawyer start to turn on you is if you start questioning things that they’re doing, if you start questioning every little thing. I had a client who called me up one time and said, “I have a friend who has a friend who’s a paralegal in Maine, and they want to know why you’re not doing this, this and this.” And I’m like, “I think that you should hire the paralegal in Maine, that’s what I think that you should do.” Because your lawyer at that point is just going to be like, “I don’t even want to have to deal with you.” And you don’t want your lawyer to get to a point where they don’t want to have to deal with you. And just by calling people a narcissist or whatever, it’s fine to say that, but also be ready with backup.
What will make you a favorite of your lawyer is if you are controlled, that you are specific, that you give good information, that you are respectful of their time, don’t be demanding. I had a client call me up one time and she talked to my paralegal who told her that I was on my way in. And I had had an early morning doctor’s appointment. It was like nine o’clock when she called and my paralegal made the mistake of telling this woman that I had had a doctor’s appointment and that I would be in shortly, and the woman actually spouted like, “Oh, I wish I had time to go to the doctor.” And all this other stuff, like basically saying I shouldn’t be doing anything other working on her case. That’s the kind of thing that turns your lawyer off, that makes your lawyer be like, “I don’t really want to have to deal with that client.”
The bottom line is even though you’re paying the lawyer, the lawyer is a person and they don’t want to have to deal with people who are attacking them, or difficult, or anything like that. So do make sure you tell your lawyer everything, but also be respectful of the relationship. Make sure that when you are saying things that you are coming across credible, that you have backup, that you have supporting documentation that you can walk them through. It’s really helpful if you have all of your documents in an organized fashion and that you get them to your lawyer on time. And if you have lots and lots of questions for your lawyer, do not send them like 100 emails a day because some lawyers bill for every single one of those, first of all. But second of all, it’s very hard for lawyers to keep up with all of that better to say, “Can I schedule a telephone conference with you? I have some things that I want to go over with you,” or “Can I schedule a meeting with you?” And then, keep notes of all the things that you want to talk to your lawyer about and talk to your lawyer about all of them at the same time.
So those are your do’s and don’ts, what to do to make sure that you have a good relationship with your lawyer. You want that lawyer to be on your side, to have your back, to really feel personally passionate about making sure that you get the outcome that you deserve. And doing what I’m saying in this blog will help you to be set up and be put in a place where that can potentially happen. So if you’re getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist, grab my free, Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet, and also come join me in my free private Facebook group, Narcissists Negotiators with Rebecca Zung. Make sure you like this blog. Go ahead, like it. I see you over there, just hit the like button, and share it, and drop me a comment. Let me know what you are thinking, and also make sure you subscribe and hit that notification bell. Thanks so much for joining me, I’m so glad that you are here, and remember, today’s a great day to start negotiating your best life. I’ll see you in the next blog.
Remember that today is a great day to start negotiating your best life. They only win if you give in. I will see you in that next blog post. Understand this to protect yourself from narcissists.
For more ways to shift the power dynamic against the narcissist in your life check out my free masterclass right here: http://icanslay.com
