By Rebecca Zung, Esq.
Hi! I’m Rebecca Zung, an attorney and narcissist negotiation expert. I’ve helped thousands of people break free from lives of drama, trauma, and chaos, to step into lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose. I want to help you do the same thing. In this article, I’ll be discussing eight ways in which narcissists sabotage their own lives. I’m going to be talking about eight ways that narcissists sabotage their own lives. Yes, they actually do, believe it or not. So, what’s the first way that narcissists actually sabotage their own lives? How do they do this?
The first way they do this is through being just generally rude to people. I mean, it’s interesting because at the beginning of the relationship, they use a technique called “love-bombing” where they shower the person with love and attention. But then, they start to devalue the person and then go back to love bombing again, devaluing, and then finally, the discard phase. These phases are not always linear, and they can go back and forth depending on what’s convenient for the narcissist. It doesn’t matter if the narcissist is covert or overt; these phases are common. I actually have some videos on YouTube about the different types of narcissists and the phases of narcissistic relationships if you’re interested. Anyway, getting back to the first way they control people, they do this by being rude. Eventually, they can’t maintain the facade, and their true colors show, leading to their own sabotage.
Number two on the list is that narcissists are generally not self-aware. They often self-sabotage themselves because they are unaware of how they come across to others. They may interrupt people, be abrupt, and not realize how their behavior affects those around them. This lack of self-awareness can lead to others disliking them. However, the narcissist may not realize this, especially with people they are trying to control or manipulate. They may also self-sabotage due to their low self-esteem, causing them to behave in ways that push people away and prevent them from forming healthy relationships. So, to summarize, narcissists may self-sabotage due to their lack of self-awareness and low self-esteem, leading to strained relationships with others.
Number three on our list is the fact that narcissists put their own needs first. This means that they tend to prioritize their own interests over the interests of others. This behavior can cause them to sabotage their own lives because people typically do not want to be around someone who only talks about themselves and constantly puts their own needs first. One-sided relationships can be very frustrating and unsatisfying for the other person. I’ve encountered clients and people in my personal life who exhibit this behavior, and it often leads to a very one-sided relationship dynamic. If a narcissist continues to put their own needs first, they will inevitably sabotage their relationships and opportunities for success.
The fourth way in which narcissists self-sabotage is by rejecting advice and refusing to listen to the opinions of others. Narcissists believe that they are superior and know better than anyone else. They have a rigid sense of self-importance and feel that others are beneath them. This attitude prevents them from accepting constructive criticism and feedback, which could be helpful in improving their performance or behavior.
Furthermore, when confronted with suggestions or feedback that they disagree with, narcissists may become defensive or hostile. They may perceive it as a threat to their self-esteem or status, and as a result, they may lash out, belittle, or dismiss the person offering the advice. This type of behavior not only prevents them from learning and growing but can also alienate them from the people around them.
Narcissists’ refusal to listen to advice is rooted in their belief that they are perfect and invulnerable. They see themselves as infallible, and any suggestion that they are not can be perceived as a personal attack. This delusional belief system can lead them to make poor decisions, miss out on opportunities, and ultimately fail in their endeavors.
Number five is that the relationships are just transactional for. I mean, that’s just another way that they are sabotaging their own lives because it’s like, “I’ll only do something for you if you do something for me, what’s in it for me?” You know, they will never do something for someone unless there’s something coming back in return. How sad is that? They view relationships as a means to an end, rather than valuing them for their own sake. This transactional approach to relationships can be incredibly damaging, as it prevents narcissists from forming genuine connections with others. It also means that they are more likely to engage in manipulative behaviors to get what they want from others.
As someone who has seen the destructive impact of transactional relationships firsthand, I can attest to just how sad and narcissistic this behavior is. Narcissists only scratch someone’s back if they believe that they will receive something in return. They are always thinking about what’s in it for them, rather than approaching relationships with empathy, kindness, and an open heart. It’s no wonder that their relationships often end in disaster, as people quickly tire of being used and manipulated. Overall, the transactional nature of their relationships is a clear sign of the narcissistic behavior that defines them.
Number six on the list is when they act outrageously sometimes, and people around them will definitely notice. This behavior is a clear indication of a narcissist. I have seen this type of behavior firsthand. They can treat people horribly in public places like restaurants or theaters and make a huge scene. This behavior can also happen within a relationship, where the narcissist will push their partner’s buttons until they finally snap and say they are done.
It is essential to understand that this behavior is not your problem, and you should not feel the need to fix it for the narcissist. As an empath, you may feel the urge to take on their problems, but it is essential to remind yourself that it is not your responsibility to clean up their messes. Therefore, repeat to yourself, “not my problem” and don’t take on their behavior.
If you observe such behavior, then it is time to start acknowledging their traits. Remember that you don’t have to fix their problems, and it’s not your responsibility to do so.
The number seven of this list is that narcissists often have unrealistic expectations of themselves and others. They may expect others to be perfect or think that they should always be in control. They may also set unrealistic goals for themselves and become frustrated when they can’t achieve them. These expectations can lead to disappointment and feelings of inadequacy.
The eighth and final way is that narcissists often shoot themselves in the foot. And why I wanted to save number eight at the last is because this is the one that I see in negotiations. This is where they are really their worst enemies and that is where they just are manipulating people just for the sake of it to their own detriment, where in the case itself, it becomes harassment. It becomes vexatious litigation. It becomes scorched earth litigation, and that’s when the judge starts to see it. That’s when the world starts to see it, and that’s when fees start to get assessed, and that’s when sanctions start coming in, and that’s when you start to have some serious leverage, and you start to realize, wait a minute, what is going on? They even start to fire their own lawyer. They start making serious mistakes. They start thinking, “Oh, I can win this no matter what.” They actually start having these crazy notions. Like, “I don’t have to do anything. I don’t want to be in this case. I don’t have to settle if I don’t want to. I’m going to court no matter what.” They make ridiculous demands.
I’ve had people say to me, I’d rather pay you than her, you know, ridiculous things. They really become their own worst enemy because they’re just blinded by, I just want to make the other person suffer and that is when they really are sabotaging their own lives. And by the way, you may think, “oh my God, nobody’s ever going to see it.” Let me tell you, the world does eventually see that. Judges do see that, mediators see that, lawyers do see that. You do have to trust that the system sees it, the world will see it and that justice and equity and fairness will prevail. But let me just tell you something that I tell people all the time and that is that if you don’t believe that you can win, nobody can help you. You have to believe that you can win first, okay? And you have the best evidence in your hands. Lawyers know the law, judges have to apply the law. You have the best evidence in your hands. So, you have to organize it. And that’s where I can help you and that’s what I do to help you.
You may want to start with my free Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet, getting that organized so you can get that at winmynegotiation.com. Definitely start with that and join my free private Facebook group, “Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung.”
Remember that there is no better day than TODAY to start negotiating your best life! Believe in yourself that you can WIN this and you will keep SLAYING them no matter the situation is. They only win if you give in. So don’t you ever give up!
For more ways to shift the power dynamic against the narcissist in your life check out my free masterclass right here: http://icanslay.com
