By Rebecca Zung, Esq.
Five telltale signs of a narcissist, last bit of their desperate grasp of trying to keep control. In today’s article, we are going to delve into a topic that affects so many relationships: that desperate last bit of a narcissist’s attempt to regain control of you. So if you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where someone’s behavior seems manipulative, seems controlling, then you want to make sure you stay tuned, tuned right here. You do not want to miss this. And, by the way, on that same vein, I have a brand new book: “Slay the Bully: How to Negotiate with a Narcissist and Win,” and you can check that out at slaythebully.com and grab your copy of my brand new book before anybody else gets it. So make sure you go to slaythebully.com and get that right now. So let’s dive in.
The first one is increasing control. So that’s that first sign that a narcissist is making that desperate bid to regain control. They’re trying to regain every aspect of control over your life. For example, they might start dictating how you dress. ‘I don’t like that outfit, I don’t like that skirt, I don’t like that thing that you’re wearing right now.’ Or they might dictate how you’re eating, even. ‘I don’t like that food that you’re eating right now, what do you think you’re doing?’ Who you’re spending time with, ‘That’s ridiculous, who you’re spending time with.’ They expect commands to be followed without question. Any resistance at all is a problem because they don’t want any kind of independence; anything that you do, any sort of thinking on your own is met with anger, frustration. There’s this underlying anger that you can just feel, that rage right underneath the surface all the time. And that stems from their fear of losing power over you, of losing control over you, of losing that dominance over you. And, by the way, if you think that you’re going to be negotiating with a narcissist anytime soon because remember when they lose that grip over you, you become Public Enemy Number One. So you’re going to want to make sure that you’re in that control position. I’ve got a free eBook for you, a free 15-page eBook which you can get at winmynegotiation.com, so make sure you grab that too.
Sign number two is manipulation tactics. Narcissists are masters of manipulation. They employ tactics such as guilt tripping and gas lighting to gain control over that upper hand. Remember what gas lighting is, it’s trying to question your memory. ‘Oh, we didn’t have that conversation, that never happened.’ For instance, they may try to make you feel guilty for having a different opinion than you or manipulate your emotions to make you doubt your own judgment. That might make you question your own reality, your own emotions, making it easier for them to maintain control over you. They want to make you feel confused, discombobulated, so that you feel like you’re losing your grip over yourself. All of these are manipulation tactics and they’re crucial for you to understand so that you can break free from their grasp.
Number three on the list is obsession with details. So this is a huge red flag and it’s a sudden and extreme interest in irrelevant details and facts. They might start obsessing over trivial things like how you arrange the dishes in the cabinet or how you fold your clothes, and they use this as a means to distract you from real issues because they’re engaged in these power games and they fixate on these trivial matters because it’s a false sense of control, again trying to control you, trying to make sure that you understand that they’re still in control because they’re fearing that they’re losing that grip over you. So they’re diverting attention away from their own manipulation tactics and while this is happening, you’re gonna start feeling like you’re losing your mind and it’s draining the energy out of you. So if this is happening to you, I want you to make sure that you get the support and help that you need. Join my free support group which is Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung. I also have a sponsor on this channel which is BetterHelp, so go to betterhelp.com/rebeccazung and get the help and support that you need through therapy. It’s a sponsor that we have, so we receive commissions on that, on that. You don’t pay any extra on that, but we just want you to have resources that you can trust, get the help and support that you need.”
The fourth sign is excessive criticism. Narcissists have a relentless need to criticize and belittle you, so you know it might just be like a little thing, like ‘Why are you wearing that? What are you doing?’ To constantly find faults in your actions and make you feel like you can never do anything right. I mean, it might be just a little like, ‘Oh, why are you wearing lipstick when are you doing that?’ I mean, so they might criticize your cooking, ‘Oh, it’s not very good,’ your appearance, your career choices, ‘Oh; I don’t think you’d do a very good job with that.’ It reinforces their superiority, their control, and it just chips away at your self-esteem. ‘Oh, that’s a bad decision, oh, that’s never going to get very far.’ They want you to be reliant on their validation. That’s why it’s just wrong, and you don’t need them. You are powerful. So I want you to put that in the comments right now, ‘I am powerful, I am powerful.’ So put that right now because when you say ‘I am,’ whatever follows ‘I am’ is something that you are placing an order to the universe, all right? So you’re not beholden to them. You are not beholden to that. You are placing an order to the universe. You are powerful.
And then the last thing that they do is bringing up past wrongs. Oh my gosh, they’ll bring up something from, especially if you’re trying to say, ‘Hey, this isn’t right what you’re doing right now isn’t right.’ They’ll bring up something from 10 years ago, you talked to somebody on Facebook, you know, 10 years ago. I mean, it’s a desperate bid to regain control, bringing up something that you allegedly did to them. So they use these past incidents as ammunition to hurt you or to divert from their own behavior because they don’t want to be held responsible for their own behavior or to make a point. So they bring up a mistake that you did 10 years ago or 15 years now, whatever, to kill you into something or to deflect away from their own behavior or whatever the current issues are. And by keeping you on the defensive, they ensure that you are under their influence.
So there you have it. Those are five telltale signs that the narcissist is under this desperate last bid to try to regain control that it’s slipping away. And if you’ve noticed these behaviors, then you know that you are actually winning. You’re actually getting there, you’re actually breaking free, and you’re actually gaining around. And it’s crucial to keep going but also get that help and support that you need and take steps to protect your emotional well-being.
Remember that knowledge is power. And by understanding these behaviors, you are on the path to reclaiming your own power and break free from these toxic relationships. Alright, so keep going, you deserve to be in a healthy, nurturing relationship that uplifts you, that nurtures you, and it empowers you. And remember that you are worthy, you’re worthy of respect, you’re worthy of love, you’re worthy of happiness, and trust your instincts to set boundaries and prioritize your own well-being, your own happiness. And you have the strength to overcome any challenges that come your way.
For more ways to shift the power dynamic against the narcissist in your life check out my free masterclass right here http://icanslay.com