Narcissists are constantly moving the goalposts during negotiation. In other words, narcissists are constantly shifting the direction in which they are trying to go because their desired outcome is much different than yours. Their desired outcome is constantly changing because the way in which they get narcissistic supply from you changes. They shift directions every time they feel like their supply might be running out.
The agenda of a narcissist in negotiation is to take you down and gain supply from doing just that. You, a reasonable person, will probably be thinking that you don’t want to spend a lot of money on lawyers, that you don’t want the process to be long and drawn out, and that you want to abide by what is fair and just., Although they will tell you otherwise, it is important not to have the mistaken belief that this is what the narcissist in your life wants as well. They will even say things like, “Why are you being so unreasonable? Why can’t you just settle this case? Why are you dragging this out?” This is simply a form of projection. They are shifting all of the blame on to you even though they are the ones that are dragging the case on and filing extra pleadings, or making false accusations.
Remember that you do these things because of narcissistic supply. They get supply from dragging the court case out and by moving the goal post because they enjoy watching you squirm, they enjoy making you miserable, and they enjoy the supply they get from simply feeling like they have some form of control over you and your life. They get supply from seeing you grovel, seeing you afraid, seeing you feel intimidated, and keeping you involved in the situation that you no longer want to be involved in.
I’ve actually worked with narcissistic clients who have told me that they would rather pay me than the person they are negotiating with. This says a lot about what they value. They would continue to pay me for my time than to pay the person that they owe for what is fair and just. For example, if you are trying to settle a case and have had your lawyer send over a settlement proposal, you will likely receive a counter-offer that is way worse than what you expected. Although you may be tempted to settle because you just want the process to be over with, it is important not to engage. This is simply their way of moving the goal post so that they continue to feel like they have you under some form of their control. If you are dealing with a narcissist, do not waste your time by engaging in this back-and-forth letter writing thing with your attorneys. This is only feeding their supply; it is not actually going to get you any closer to the outcome that you desire and deserve.
The only way to counter this type of behavior is through the strategic and systematic approach that I have created over the course of my career. Using my SLAY method and program, you will come up with a super strong strategy, create invincible leverage, anticipate what the narcissist is going to do, and focus on you and your case. This approach helps those dealing with these types of narcissists get onto the offensive for a change. Without utilizing these tools, you will be spending so much time, money, and will likely settle for way less than you want and deserve simply because you have, yet again, been manipulated by the narcissist’s goalpost moving tactic.
Through my method, I have helped people who have been in years of negotiation finally settle their case and move on with their lives feeling good. Many people think that they just need a good lawyer and although having strong representation is incredibly beneficial, it’s up to you to systematically and strategically negotiate so that you can achieve your desired and deserving outcome.
