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When A Narcissist Tells You They Love You by Rebecca Zung

When a narcissist says “I love you,” do they mean it? Remember that narcissists are on a constant quest for narcissistic supply which is anything that feeds a narcissist’s ego. They will do just about anything and everything they can in order to get narcissistic supply- this includes saying “I love you.” What does a narcissist actually mean when they say they love you?

They love how you make them feel. 

Narcissists keep you around because they get some sort of narcissistic supply from you. If it’s a romantic relationship, you probably make them feel attractive, needed, and desirable. They love that you make them feel this way because they cannot and do not have the ability to feel this way on their own accord. 

They love that you love them.

Similarly to them loving how you make them feel, they love that you love them. Although they are not capable of truly loving another person, they love being loved by others. This feeds their ego and gives them a sense of value that they would otherwise have to derive from elsewhere. 

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They love the status that they get from being with you. 

Narcissists may love how being with you makes them look. You may have the social status or the prestige that gives them the narcissistic supply that they need. They may love how you look together as a couple. They may love the connections that you have. They may love that you are wealthy. Narcissists care about protecting their self-image more than anything. You may be vital to helping them create the image of themselves that they are trying so desperately to portray to the world. This could certainly be a huge reason as to why they tell you that they love you. 

They love having sex with you.

Many narcissists use sex as a means to not only control and devalue others but to also gain narcissistic supply. They might be incredibly attracted to you on a physical level and love having sex with you. This could be a huge reason as to why they tell you they love you as well. They may be trying to manipulate you into having sex with them or they really might just mean that they love having sex with you rather than loving you for the person you are. 

They want you to love them

They use many different types of manipulation tactics. Love bombing is the first manipulation tactic that they use on their victims. They may be telling you that they love you because they so desperately want you to love them. This is a part of the love bombing stage of the narcissistic relationship. They want you to feel valued, idealized, and perfect for them so that you will feel the same way about them. Thus, you will be an ample form of supply for them to keep around. 

They need a place to live.

I often joke around and say that nobody falls in love faster than a narcissist who needs a place to live. Many narcissists will try to move quickly in a romantic relationship so that they can gain control over you sooner rather than later. They may also want to move in with you. They might like your place better than theirs. They might not have their finances in order and want to move in with you because they can no longer afford to live on their own. It is common for narcissistic romantic relationships to move quickly- from dating to cohabitation to marriage in what seems like the blink of an eye. They may love bomb you and tell you that they love you so that they can move in to your place with you. Be sure to remember that when this happens, they will have even more control over you. 

They don’t want you to leave them. 

They may be hoovering you, which is when they love bomb you shortly after they devalue you. They may be feeling as if you are on the way out and wanting to leave the relationship. They may tell you that they love you so that you find a reason to stay with them, so that you are manipulated into remaining a source of narcissistic supply for them. 

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So, these are some examples of the true meanings behind a narcissist saying “I love you.” It’s important to remember, in addition to what they mean, what they definitely do not mean so that you remain strong and do not get manipulated back into their realm of control. This is what they definitely do not mean when they tell you they love you.

They love you unconditionally.

The “love” that they have for others is very much so conditional. As soon as they don’t feel like you’re giving them enough narcissistic supply, they will leave you or try to find the supply from another source. They will love everything that you can do for them until you can no longer provide what it is that they want and need. 

They love you for who you are

Similarly to the above, narcissists definitely do not love others for who they are as unique individuals in the world. They merely love people for what they can give them. They may like aspects of who you are but only if they feel that those aspects provide them with something that might boost their ego. 

They will be loving. 

While narcissists throw around the love word often, it does not mean that they will treat you in a loving, kind, compassionate, and/or sensitive way. Narcissists only care about themselves. They will act loving if they feel that it suits them- otherwise, do not expect a narcissist to be loving towards you based on the fact that they tell you they love you. Believe their actions rather than their words. 


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