Have you ever noticed that the narcissist in your life is always eyeing you down? Maybe you have seen them staring intensely at you or checking you up and down. Maybe you have caught them looking at you and then looking away once you have noticed them. I have always found this trait bizarre. I have dealt with tons of narcissists in my law practice but also in my personal life and I would always notice this behavior and wonder what it was all about. As I began to study narcissism and learned all about how narcissists get narcissistic supply to feed their ego and survive off of, I learned some of the most notable reasons as to why narcissists are always eyeing people and their victims down.
To Mirror You.
One of the main reasons narcissists watch, stare, and gaze at people, especially, their victims is so that they can mirror the behaviors of others. Remember that narcissists don’t have a healthy sense of self-esteem/identity. Through narcissistic supply, they derive all of their value from the external. To become the person that they want to be (on the outside), they must study those around them. They stare at you so that they can pick up on your behaviors, communication styles, emotional styles, etc. They do this so that they can begin practicing becoming the person that they wish they were.
To Attract You/To Get Your Attention
Another reason that they’re always watching you is so that they can actually attract you and/or get your attention. They want you to be a part of the world and under their control because you offer a source of supply that they are in search of. They especially might display this behavior after the discard phase and in the hoovering stage. They may be trying to win you back and showing you attention by looking at you and watching you. They want you to look at them, notice them, and give them narcissistic supply by validating their presence or attracting you as a romantic partner, friend, or business partner, etc.
To Intimidate you.
Intimidation is one of the narcissist’s favorite forms of devaluing their victims. Through staring, or glaring, narcissists will try to intimidate you so that you feel powerless or inferior to them. I see this often in depositions- when an individual is trying to divorce a narcissist- and the narcissist will actually stare at that person who’s being deposed to intimidate them. This is their way of saying “You better be careful about what you say or what you do because I’m watching you.” This is especially frightening if you’re dealing with a malignant narcissist.