If you are currently in a relationship with a narcissist and think that you’re getting ready to be discarded by them, there are a number of things that you want to make sure you don’t do.
Do not cry, scream, or show tons of emotion.
If you do cry, scream, or show your emotions, you will actually be giving that narcissist the supply they are looking for. Instead, cry and scream into your pillow and do whatever you need to do to stop yourself from showing the other person your true emotions. In the moment, it’s best to agree with them or do what you can so that you can hide the fact that they might be affecting you negatively.
No excuses.
Do not believe their excuses nor give them excuses yourself! Time and time again you have been making excuses for them- stop it! They come up with enough excuses for themselves.
Remember that they do not have the same moral compass as you. They will do whatever they need to do to manipulate and control any given situation to meet their desired outcome. Especially in the discard phase, you’re going to want to be especially weary of this.
I’ve had many many clients tell me that their soon to be ex-spouse is a pathological liar and a manipulator. Later on, that same client will be making excuses for them. They forget that they were the one who came to me first telling me that this person cannot be trusted. This is the narcissists’ love bombing and hoovering methods at work.
Do not believe that they will change.
Similarly to not accepting their excuses or coming up with excuses for them, you are going to want to keep in mind that narcissists will not and do not change. Not for you. Not for anyone. Do not think that they will change and adjust your behavior accordingly. Keep strong to your boundaries and remember all of the things you have had to endure as a result of the narcissist’s abuse!
Do not blame yourself
Do not blame yourself nor take any of their devaluing or discarding personally. This is one of the hardest things to do. You have been brainwashed by this narcissist to believe that you are of no value and that you are weak and that everything is always your fault. This is just what narcissists do- try to remember that none of it is true. Forgive yourself and do not blame yourself for anything that happened as a result of having this narcissist in your life. Just learn from the experience and move onward and upward.
