Negotiations during the divorce can be tense, emotional and oftentimes, as a result. Unproductive. So for sure one of the things you must be aware of first and foremost is – leverage.
What is leverage? Leverage is what you’ve got to incentivize the other person to settle the case.
What is the biggest mistake I see with this?
Giving your leverage away too early in the game.
It will look like this. “I don’t want to fight so I know that I am entitled to half of his retirement but I’m not going to touch that.” OR “I’m working so I won’t ask for spousal support.” Something to that effect.
That what happens?
The other person doesn’t cooperate resulting in you having to spend more in fees. Or the other person doesn’t agree to things you thought he or she was going to agree to. So then you try to take back what you had agreed to, i.e. not going after things that you would perhaps be entitled to under the law. And then – even worse- the other person gets enraged because you are now back tracking on your word.
That causes the negotiations to become even less productive, more tense, and more volatile than they would have been had you just started off with – I will see what I am entitled to under the law, consider the entire global settlement package (which includes all of the areas upon which you need to agree) and then decided what you want to give in on at that point.
The bottom line – keep your leverage until the final negotiations. You might need it.
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Tomorrow, Wednesday Divorce Wisdom – please make sure to join me to hear about the Pitfalls of Social Media in Divorce.
Until then, remember – you are just one step away from your new life… together, we’ve got this.
