Are you dealing with a narcissist and suspect that you might be a victim of one of their seven deadly sins?
Narcissism is a legit personality disorder, and it causes them to have zero sense of inner value. They have to get all of their value from the external in the form of narcissistic supply. They also have a complete lack of empathy or care for anyone else. There’s just something that’s broken inside of them that they just don’t have the capacity to care for another person.
Three Different Types of Narcissists
There are three different types of narcissists in general. There is the covert narcissist, which I call the wolf in sheep’s clothing. These are the people that look really nice. They appear to be wonderful, kind, good people. Oftentimes they’re psychologists or lawyers or doctors or clergy or people who have a lot of respect in the community. The second type of narcissist is the grandiose or overt narcissist, and that’s more of what I call the regular garden variety narcissist. This is the one that you normally think of when you think of narcissist; the kind that goes around telling everybody how great they are all the time. They’re very boastful and braggadocious. They stand out as narcissists and thus in some ways, are actually less insidious than the coverts because you can see them coming a mile away. The third type of narcissist is what we call the malignant narcissist, and this is the type that can to be pretty dangerous and really pretty evil. This is the kind that might tend to engage in stalking or violence or threats of violence. They have no problem calling the police and falsely accusing people of horrible things like child molestation when they know for sure that that’s a complete lie. They can be evil.
The Deadly Sins
So now let’s talk about the seven deadly sins. So the first deadly sin is shamelessness. Narcissists are openly and proudly shameless. They’re not bound by the emotional needs of others so they’re just shameless in the kinds of things that they go after. They think that they’re entitled to special treatment and benefits. They loath criticism. They consider criticism to be toxic and any hint, smell, whistle, tone of criticism, they will take very, very personally because it implies that they’re not perfect and need to change.
The second deadly sin is magical thinking. Narcissists want to project that they are perfect and so they distort everything through that lens. Part of this magical thinking piece is they project their faults and flaws through others. This is part of their gaslighting strategies. So if you say, “Hey, you drop the ball on that deadline” to a co-worker or an employee, they’re always going to have some excuse as to why it was somebody else’s fault.
The third deadly sin is arrogance. They are extremely arrogant. Oftentimes they feel the need to inflate their ego by deflating others. So this is where you will see them deflating, devaluing, degrading, cutting down others, because they need to feel like they are superior to everyone else.
Number four is envy. Narcissists are so envious of everyone else and they’re envious in every possible way. Life is just not fair for the narcissist. So if someone else has more money than they do, has a better position than they do, got something that they didn’t, or got attention that they didn’t receive (even if it has nothing to do with them). they are incensed. They are extremely jealous of other people, so this is where you’ll find them maybe devaluing somebody else’s contribution or not valuing it at all, or poo-pooing it or saying that it really didn’t matter, or it didn’t actually contribute to anything. They are contemptuous and minimize other people’s accomplishments.
Number five is entitlement. Narcissists hold an unreasonable expectation of special treatment. They think that they should get the best parking spaces or the best places in the restaurant, or they shouldn’t have to wait for anything. They think that everyone should see them as entitled and special, and if you don’t fall in line with that, then you’re going to be subject to their ire. Failure to comply with this entitlement piece is considered to be an attack because with a narcissist you’re either for them or you’re against them. You can’t just be neutral. You can’t just walk away from each other like two normal people or just decide you don’t want to work together anymore or you just don’t want to be in a relationship anymore. You can’t just wish each other well and move forward. No, no, no. Can’t work that way. You’re either for them or it’s an attack on them. Defiance of their will is something that inflames their narcissistic injury, which will trigger their narcissistic rage.
Number six is exploitation, ans what this means is that narcissists will use people for whatever they need to use them for. They exploit others. So the thing about narcissists that you have to remember is that you really have no value to a narcissist other than what you can bring to them. Narcissists need an endless amount of what we call supply and supply can be negative, or it could be positive. Narcissistic supply is anything that feeds their ego, so it could be having the biggest house, the biggest job, the biggest bank account, the best friends, the most high in the highest places, or the most recognition, for example. But narcissistic supply can also come in the form of treating people badly, degrading, or debasing them. So once you decide you don’t want to be in a relationship with a narcissist anymore, then you no longer have any value to them. This can take many different forms, but exploiting others always involves using others without any regard for their feelings or interests.
Number seven, is no boundaries. Narcissists have no boundaries. That’s part of being a narcissist. You’re supposed to respect their boundaries, but they don’t have to respect yours. That’s how that goes. So, they’ll show up at your work, they’ll show up at your office. They’ll break into your computer, they’ll read your email, they’ll read your mail, whatever they feel entitled to do. That’s part of the entitlement as well.
So if you are dealing with a narcissist and you have been a victim of one or more of these seven deadly sins, then you need to protect yourself. The first thing to do is put up very steel boundaries and go no contact if you possibly can. Make sure that they understand that you’re no longer there to be used by them or abused by them. Because narcissists really can’t be rehabilitated.to the point where they can actually feel something for another person, just move on. Move on to find somebody who’s actually going to care about you and your best interests.
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