There are several things that narcissists want but it all leads back to one path and that is the almighty narcissistic supply. There is a hierarchy to narcissistic supply. They want Diamond Level supply or Grade A or Tier 1, if you will, and that is how they look. How they look can be tied to several different things. It can be the big houses, the prestigious friends, the great cars, the impressive job, or the big bank account. It is all going to be tied up into how they look.
Then there is Coal Level supply. It is the lesser level, but it is also very important to them. It is the side that they do not necessarily show people. It is something that they also love and do not give up easily. It is devaluing people, debasing people, treating people poorly, manipulating people, triggering people, getting under people’s skin, using their sense of control to make themselves feel superior to others. It is to build up their ego by making them feel like they are better than others. It is not the external. It is not how they look to the world but how they look in their eyes to other people.
The external and adulation is what they want more than absolutely everything. What they want is to have full control, full adulation, full dominion over you. That’s what they are going for in the relationship, that full dominion over you, always. Obviously, you do not want to give in to that during the relationship because once you do that, they start hating you at that point. They do not want that because they feed on the drama of the back and forth. That is why they have these cycles of relationships, the love-bombing, the devaluing, the discarding. Then they go back and forth back to the love-bombing, the devaluing and the discarding.
The only kind of person that they respect is going to stand up to them. That is why you must have boundaries. As soon as you start establishing boundaries is when you are going to start to push back, to start to negotiate with them, and to start to shift the dynamic. That is part of the SLAY methodology. That is when you are going to start to take your power back.
They will start to fear you. The narcissist is way more afraid of you then you are of them. You are not going to give in completely where they have full complete dominion over you in the relationship because you will lose your self-respect, lose your freedom, and lose who you are. How you start to find your place of power is putting down those boundaries and starting to walk forward and not backward. How you start to do that is by starting to even just recognize what is happening and by getting education like this.
Recognizing what is happening. Start to put those boundaries in place. Start to shut down what is going on and realize that you do not have to live this way any longer. To get started, check out http://www.slayyournegotiation.com/rzwebinar