Are you in a relationship with someone who seems to be too good to be true? If so, it is time for you to stop and listen – because the sweet and seemingly loving behavior from your partner may not actually express their true feelings towards you. Often times what appears on the surface can hide underlying intentions and behaviors that are far different from what they are outwardly displaying. These types of people are referred to as covert narcissists, and they utilize specific tactics expressed through passive-aggressive behaviors in order to get their needs met while making sure no one believes anything else is going on underneath. In this blog post we will look at five techniques often employed by covert narcissists that should certainly raise a red flag in any situation. Read on if you want deeper understanding into how these manipulators operate, as well as how best to protect yourself when dealing with them!
#1 . Amazingly Wonderful in Public. Covert narcissists are notorious for presenting a public persona that can be described as amazingly kind, charming, and just plain wonderful. In my experience, I have found this to be especially true for the female narcissists that I have dealt with. As a society we are not often taught to recognize that narcissism can exist within females, which can make it harder for those who are affected by it to understand and seek help. I used to think that narcissists were all typically arrogant, boastful, and misogynistic, but I now know that this simply is not the case, and that anyone can be affected by it.
#2. Exhibit Passive-Aggressive Behavior. Covert narcissists can be challenging to deal with as they exhibit passive-aggressive behavior. You may experience instances where they claim to be heading to the store and offer to pick up something for you on the way, only to intentionally forget your request in the process. This can leave you feeling frustrated and let down, wondering why they didn’t simply say no, to begin with.
#3 Use Guilt to Manipulate. It’s common for covert narcissists to use guilt as a tool to manipulate others. It’s frustrating to feel like you’re constantly under someone’s thumb. They say “ It’s okay I’m fine”, “I’ll just sit over here by myself” or “ I’ve done so much for you”. It can be really hurtful when someone close to you discredits your feelings and prioritizes their own. Someone who has experienced it firsthand may have trouble trusting others or opening up again, but it’s important to recognize that you are not alone and it’s not your fault. Remember, you deserve to be heard, validated and respected.
#4. Easily Upset. Covert Narcissists have a very fragile ego and can be easily upset. As a result, you may find yourself in a state of constant caution, never quite sure how they’ll react to something. Even the slightest issue can set off their emotions and make them feel hurt.
#5. Play Victim. Covert narcissists are known for their tendency to always portray themselves as victims. They constantly lament and bemoan their unfortunate circumstances with phrases such as “Poor me” and “Life isn’t fair.” Unfortunately, this habit can sometimes reach a point wherein it negatively impacts their relationships with those closest to them. Have you ever had a friend or family member who always seemed to have a problem, but for whom nothing ever seemed to change? This kind of behavior can be indicative of covert narcissism, and can make it difficult to establish healthy relationships with them.
To sum it up, it is helpful to take note of these five primary behaviors that covert narcissists consistently exhibit. With this knowledge and awareness you will be able to better have control over your emotional reactions should one come along. Of course no two individuals are exactly the same, but look out for these particular signs within someone’s personality traits. As you become more aware of when narcissistic patterns surface in people — whether covertly or overtly — you can accordingly set boundaries and manage your interactions accordingly. It is important to identify when a person is acting from a place of unhealthy habits or negative motivations, even if their actions may not always seem immediately damaging. Be mindful and pay attention.
