Are you dealing with a narcissist and you’re just getting into the phase when you’re getting ready to think about leaving that narcissist, or maybe that narcissist is leaving you, but you are trying to leave them and you are wondering what they’re going to say. I’m going to give you six phrases that you hear when you are trying to leave the narcissist.
I am on a mission; I’m on a crusade to make sure that you break free from those toxic relationships, those relationships that are absolutely driving you insane, making you sick, probably even physically, and I’m here giving you free information, free advice every single day.
So, I have heard these gas lighting phrases that I’m going to share with you. The reason why I want you to hear them is because I want you to be able to recognize them, so you can actually step back as almost like a third-party observer and go, okay, I see what’s going on here and actually start to be able to not take these things personally. That way, when you go to negotiate with them, you’re actually in a much stronger position. It will help you to heal, you can actually start to be in that place of getting on the path of creating a life of intention, a life where you’re in creation and not just survival, and that is so important because when you’re dealing with a narcissist, you are in survival mode all the time, and that defensive mode all the time, and that cognitive dissonance all the time, where your brain just feels like it’s so scrambled. But the good news is that you can start to heal, your brain can start to heal and what happens is you’ve been love-bombed and devalued, and love-bombed and devalued, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. When that devalue phase starts, that’s when you start to see the birth of that smear campaign, and the first thing they’re going to start to do, especially when you try to leave them, is they’re going to start to try to suck you back in, try to pull you back in, because they don’t want to see that supply going out the door, and so they’re going to try to guilt trip you, they’re going to get meaner, they’re going to get all of those things right away, even if they have been the worst to you and you’re thinking, well, you kind of hate me, right? Because they sort of act like that, you’ve been thinking, you don’t even like me, they’ve been treating you that way the whole time, I mean, you almost feel like it’s going to be a relief to them to be gone, but they still have been getting supply from you in some way, they still want you there, so they’re going to try to suck you back in, you’ve got to resist that, because that’s your soul talking to you, your soul is saying, I got to get out of this thing.
So, I’m going to tell you right now, you’ve got to resist those guilt trips, and all the things that they’re going to try to do to suck you back into that web of toxicity, because your freedom and your health needs that in order to get whole again. I’ve been where you are and as long as you’re still in that web of toxicity, you cannot heal. You got to start turning it around and it doesn’t happen overnight, don’t beat yourself up for any kind of decisions that you made when you were in that survival mode, don’t feel guilty, and don’t allow them to put that on you. So, step one, don’t run, step two, make a U-turn, step three, break free. That’s what I say, it just doesn’t happen overnight. So, one of the things they say, I’m going to just go into these six phrases now, is “I’m the honest one and everyone knows that no one’s going to believe you because you’re the liar, right?” So, they try to make it seem like everyone’s going to believe their lies and that’s the first thing that you’re going to now start to worry about is that everyone’s going to believe their lies and no one’s going to believe you and that’s what they’re going to do.
You’ve just got to have something to say back, some kind of way to arm yourself, and that’s what I want you to have, right? Don’t believe that craziness. Just close your ears, close your eyes, pretend like you’ve got a little bubble around you because that’s not true. So, that’s number one.
Number two is you made me like this. I was never like this, you did this to me. I don’t like all this craziness. I don’t like to live this life of drama. You made me crazy. You made me like this. All this happens because of you. If it weren’t for you, I’d be calm.
When things go flying off and you guys end up having big fights and all that sort of thing, they blame it on you. Again, that’s so not true. Most of the time, they’re the ones that pick the fights, right? I mean, you’re like nice, normal, calm, living your life and then they go and they pick fights and they do things and then they turn around and they blame it on you.
Be like Teflon, like Teflon Tony or Teflon Tennille or whatever, come up with a name for yourself. That’s you, water off a duck’s back. You know how water just kind of rolls off a duck’s back? That’s you my friend! Stay strong!
Number three, when you try to bring up the abusive, cheating, or mean behavior of the narcissist, they will flat out deny it and gaslight you into believing that you were the one who did all those things. Even if you didn’t, they’ll accuse you of emotionally cheating or something. It’s pointless to try and get them to acknowledge or admit their wrongdoings. Instead, forget about it and give up trying to get them to admit their sins.
In fact, it gets worse when you try to make them admit to their mistakes. Narcissists feel more shame and self-hatred than anyone else, and when you bring up their mistakes, it triggers their narcissistic injury, which takes over their limbic system and triggers a strong defense mechanism.
This defense mechanism can make them feel like a caged animal, and they will come after you with aggression. So, it’s best not to force them to admit their mistakes because it won’t help you negotiate down the road.
Therefore, if the narcissist accuses you of cheating on them or abusing them, don’t respond by accusing them of doing the same. It will only make them more agitated, and their survival mechanism will take over. It’s best to avoid these accusations and not engage in the behavior that triggers their narcissistic injury.
Fifthly, the discard phase, when the narcissist realizes that none of their tactics, such as love bombing, hoovering, guilt tripping, have worked and you’re actually leaving, they start seeing you as the enemy. With them, it’s either you’re for them or against them, and if you’re against them, you become public enemy number one. They see things in black and white, known as splitting, and believe that they have to take you down before you can take them down. They may say hurtful things to scare you and control you, such as threatening to leave you with nothing or take all the money. It’s important to stay calm and not let your emotions take over, even though it’s hard. Remember the mantra “I can do hard things” and know that facing your fears will make you a stronger and more courageous person. Don’t let the narcissist’s threats and intimidation tactics work on you.
And lastly, narcissist will say, “I never loved you.” This can be incredibly painful because they are intentionally trying to hurt you by going after your Achilles heel. However, it’s important to remember that they did love you in their own way, and to appreciate the positive moments and lessons learned from the relationship. Don’t dwell on their hurtful words, as their goal is to cause pain in order to feed their need for narcissistic supply. Narcissists have an unfillable void inside them and constantly seek external validation to fill that emptiness. Instead of trying to fill their void, we should feel compassion for them and focus on our own healing and support systems, such as therapy and joining online communities. BetterHelp is one resource available for online therapy, and Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung is a private Facebook community for support. Finally, remember to negotiate for your best life and stay strong.
I want you to have that life of peace and freedom and peace of mind that you so, so deserve, your soul deserves, because I’ve been there. I’ve been exactly where you are, not just sitting there side by side with my clients, I’ve done that too, but also dealing with narcissists in my personal life, and that’s why I want you to have this life that you deserve.
Remember that there is no better day than TODAY to start negotiating your best life! Apply these 6 ways in any situation you are in right now if you’re dealing with a narcissist and you will keep SLAYING them. They only win if you give in. So don’t you ever give up!
For more ways to shift the power dynamic against the narcissist in your life check out my free masterclass right here: http://icanslay.com
