Narcissists love to make you feel bad about yourself, especially when you go into the discard phase. I’m going to walk you through the five main ways that a narcissist makes you feel bad about yourself. You’re going to know exactly what they are, so you won’t be able to spot them and shut them down before anything major happens, especially when you go into the discard phase. You’re going to negotiate with them, you’re going to communicate with them, and that way you can spot them and shut them down, stop it all from happening, and you can become the one who’s more powerful, turn the tables, and figure out what to do.
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The first thing is gaslighting. This is their go-to. This is the first thing that they love to do. This is a manipulative tactic that they use to basically get you to question your own mind, your memories, your perceptions, even your sanity if possible. Saying whatever it is that you think you’ve seen, whatever it is that you think that you remember, even said sometimes, is not the truth. They divert you into thinking of something else. They actually say, “You’re delusional, that didn’t happen.”
Let’s just say that you remember an anniversary and you point out how the narcissist overlooked it. Instead of apologizing, they’ll say, “We never celebrated it before, so why is it such a big deal now?” The key is to trust your experiences, trust your feelings, trust your gut. Recognizing the gaslighting is the first step to countering your mind and just really trusting your gut and knowing, no, that’s not true, that’s not how it took place. You can start keeping a journal, you can start keeping notes in your phone, and you can know exactly what took place. Do it simultaneously, contemporaneously with when things took place.
Number two is belittling your achievements. You can say, “Hey, this thing happened, I’m so excited about it,” and they’ll say, “Oh, that’s not that great.” They’ll figure out some way to basically put you down, some way to belittle you or belittle something about it for you, because they just don’t want you to feel that good about it. They don’t think that highly of you. The way you counter that is to know that your achievements do matter, share them with people who are going to build you up, who are going to be excited for you.
Rumi says, “Set the world on fire, seek those who fan your flames.” Are the people around you fanning your flames, or are they dousing your fire, are they pouring water on your fire? Celebrate yourself with people who are going to fan your flames, who are going to celebrate you. Be around people that you want to celebrate, genuine supporters. Sound good? Give me an amen in the comments if that sounds good.
So far, the next one is backhanded compliments. So, this is where they might say that they’re excited for you, but they’ll say, “Good for you, you know, I did that years ago.” It’s like, “I’m excited for you, but…” Like they’re letting you know that it’s something that they did a long time ago, but that’s really great for you. They’re happy for you, but they’re also letting you know that it’s not so great because they did it so long ago. They’ll say, “Oh, that’s a great dress on you, it’s very becoming on your figure.” It’s almost like a backhanded compliment, letting them know that the dress looks great because, you know, you’re so overweight. So, stay alert to these covert types of insults, these little put downs. If somebody is like that, they’re not your people. I always say, stop trying to make “not your people” your people.
When you leave being in somebody’s presence and you don’t feel good, you feel crappy inside, these are not your people. You leave being around somebody and you feel better after being around them, then they’re your people. It’s really as simple. Next is playing the victim, and they love to play the victim. Somehow, you know, they love to turn things around so that they’re the victim too. They artfully twist these scenarios, making themselves look like the hurt party even when they’re at fault.
So, you know, you ask them to apologize for something and suddenly they’re the ones who are hurt. And in some way, you always lash out at me, you know, I’ve got so much going on right now, you know how much I have going on. For you, it’s vital to be very aware of what’s truthful and what’s not, and what’s real and what’s not. It’s not your responsibility. It’s not your responsibility to take care of them and what’s their responsibility, and you don’t take that on.
The next one is isolation from support. They isolate you from your support system. This is to make sure that you are overly reliant on them, even though they’re not really there for you. They’re not your friend, you know, you’re their friend, but there’s not a reciprocation, because good luck in having them be there for you when you need them. When you go to be with your friends, “Oh, that person’s never there for you, they don’t treat you well.”
If you try to get somebody’s opinion on something or you value that person’s opinion over mine, now especially if it’s somebody of the opposite sex, they’re always intimating that there might be something going on with you and that other person. They don’t trust you ever with somebody of the opposite sex. But make sure, no matter what, that you retain your connections of friendships because you’re going to need them.
These are the five ways that narcissists make you feel bad about yourself and how you can counter it and keep your wits about you and make sure that you are staying in your power. And if you need to document, make sure you get my free documentation chart at docthenarc.com. But make sure you also come to the launch party; get going with reading this new book because everything is in there as well. Register here: slaythebullylaunch.com
Stay strong, stay informed, always believe in yourself, and make sure your light is shining strong. Remember that today’s a great day to start negotiating your best life. For more ways to shift the power dynamic against the narcissist in your life check out my free masterclass right here: http://icanslay.com
