Regardless of whether you are the one who is discarding the narcissist or they are discarding you, they will do everything they can to destroy you. Narcissists not only lack empathy but also lack an inner sense of self. They are the most insecure people on the planet and derive ALL of theri value from external sources. In order for the narcissist to feel like they can survive, they need to protect their fragile egos at all costs. They believe that to do this, they need to destroy you – even if they’re the one that’s deciding to exit the relationship.
I’ve had to deal with a couple of covert narcissists in my own life. In one of the relationships, I was hoping to have a peaceful parting of ways. It was in a business setting. The narcissist just couldn’t do that. They needed to suck me dry of narcissistic supply so that when they left the relationship, they knew that there was no supply left to be had.
Narcissists attempt to destroy their victims at the end of the relationships in several ways. They might conduct smear campaigns and get their flying monkeys involved, they might abuse and devalue you through every possible tactic up until the last moment.
In litigation settings, the narcissist’s victim (who is usually an empath) wants to settle in a fair, equitable, and peaceful manner. They just want to get out of the relationship and move on with their lives! For the narcissist, this isn’t the case. It is important for you, empath, to anticipate what the narcissist is going to do and how they are going to behave in these situations. They will try to take you down. Prepare for that. You might as well try to get what it is that you want and deserve from the situation because they are going to attempt to chip away at everything you bring to the table. It’s not about that settlement for them, it’s about continuing to get narcissistic supply from you up until the very last minute. This is why when you’re in any kind of negotiation with a narcissist, it can take an inordinate amount of time before the case is settled- sometimes upwards of 10 years!
The narcissist is out to destroy you before you can take from them. Narcissists have scarcity mindsets, they need to preserve everything that they think they need in order to survive. In order to do this, they have to come out of the settlement or the relationship victoriously – it can’t be equal walking away.
Additionally, if the narcissist can no longer get narcissistic supply or anything from you because the relationship is being terminated- they have to destroy you so NOBODY can get supply or anything from you.