We all know that narcissists can be vindictive. This is apparent when we have fights with them and especially true in litigation. But have you ever wondered why they’re that way or what drives them to go crazy? In this article we’re going to talk about these and make sense of this chaos.
A malignant type of narcissist who happens to be pathological are likely to be vindictive. When dealing with them, it’s either you’re for them or against them. There’s really no middle ground. Even when you’re in a relationship with them, it’s either hot or it’s cold, you’re together or not. There’s this constant push and pull. Narcissists just can’t feel what you feel, and reality is, they don’t even notice. And if they do, worse, they’ll use it against you. For example, one of your issues is you don’t feel loved, they’ll tell you every day that they don’t love you. They know your Achilles Heel and they will use that to hurt you since they don’t have the capacity to truly feel.
The question is, is this type of relationship abusive? The answer is a definite “Yes”. But is it personal? Sadly, the answer is “No”. It doesn’t even register with them that what they’re doing to you is wrong.
Another thing to remember is that narcissists are extremely easily slighted and when they feel attacked, they will lash out. Narcissists have a deep sense of shame inside. And it can be due to trauma that they went through in childhood. Living with that trauma would have triggered a fight or flight response which releases cortisol, epinephrine, adrenaline, etc. into your brain. When this occurs on a regular basis, it can cause permanent damage our brains, impairing how we process our thoughts, emotions, and even our memories.
When narcissists are presented with stimuli that they perceive to be a threat to their survival, it will cause them to fight back. It triggers that narcissistic injury. And therefore, that limbic system, the emotional center, part of their brain will spring into action, takes front and center and takes over. Now, they’re not thinking rationally because they’re not able to process their emotions properly. This is called Narcissistic rage. It causes the vindictiveness, and causes them to hold grudges, and harbor resentment for long periods of time. It’s the same reason why people say we don’t really remember what our teachers taught us, what we remember is how they made us feel. And this is so true since how we feel is so much a part of who we are. But with narcissists, they hold on to these grudges and resentment and go after you and hurt you. Again, narcissists are easily slighted, even if you didn’t do anything to hurt them or maybe you just stood your ground not to get run over, they will take that as aggression and will take that against you. In their eyes, there’s always someone to blame. They will hold everyone accountable but themselves even if things happened because it was their own fault, even if they caused their own pain.
There is no better day than today to start negotiating your best life. So, start building your boundaries, and learn to say “No”. You have the power. You are more than the narcissist who is trying to control you.