Have you ever noticed that a narcissist will fight you on absolutely everything? Even the simplest request turns into a battle. You think, “This one’s obvious—they’ll have to agree with this,” but somehow, they twist it, deny it, or deflect just to go against you. It’s not about logic—it’s about control. If they think it’s what you want, they’ll resist it just to feel powerful.
But there’s a way to completely flip that power dynamic without yelling, fighting, or exhausting yourself in the process.
It’s one of my favorite tools of influence and persuasion. I call it Stacking Micro-Yeses—and it works beautifully with narcissists.
The Psychology Behind the “Micro-Yes” Strategy
Narcissists hate losing control. When you make a big request, their defenses immediately go up. Their brain screams, “I’m losing power!”—and logic goes right out the window. That’s when you see gaslighting, stonewalling, or even rage.
So instead of going for the big ask, you prime them. You condition them to say “yes,” step by step, micro-yes by micro-yes.
Why does this work? Because the human brain (even a narcissistic one) craves consistency. Once someone says “yes,” they subconsciously want to keep saying it to stay congruent with their earlier answers. That’s your secret leverage.
My 3-Step Micro-Yes System
Step 1: Start Small
Begin with a neutral question they can’t deny without looking unreasonable.
Example: “You received my email on Thursday, right?”
It’s factual and harmless—and when they agree, that’s your first micro-win.
Step 2: Layer Agreement
Now, build on that momentum.
Example: “And you saw that both statements were attached, correct?”
Each yes is a brick in your wall of logic. You’re creating a chain of rational agreement they’ll have a hard time breaking later.
Step 3: Lead to the Logical Ask
Once you’ve stacked those yeses, close with a natural next step.
Example: “Perfect, then you’ll be sending the updated numbers by tomorrow.”
You’re not demanding compliance—you’re leading them to it logically.
Real-Life Examples
In Co-Parenting:
“You were at the pickup last week at 4:00 p.m., right? And we agreed on the same time this week, right? Perfect, so I’ll see you then.”
In Business:
“We agreed invoices are due on the 15th, correct? And last month’s was received on time. Great, so this month will be on the same schedule.”
See the pattern? Calm, factual, confident. You’re not engaging emotionally—you’re guiding with structure and logic.
The Psychology That Makes It Work
This strategy taps into three powerful psychological principles:
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Commitment and Consistency: People (even narcissists) want their words and actions to match.
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Momentum Bias: Once something starts, the brain resists stopping it.
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Control Illusion: The narcissist thinks they’re leading when you’re actually steering.
That’s leverage. That’s influence—without confrontation.
Use It Everywhere
You can start stacking micro-yeses today—in texts, emails, negotiations, or even courtroom communications. It’s a subtle yet powerful way to bypass defensiveness and restore order.
Remember: you’re not manipulating—you’re using strategic communication to protect your peace, your power, and your position.
If you want more phrases and strategies to disarm narcissists, visit disarmthenarc.com for a free guide.
And if you’re ready to go deeper—to build unshakable leverage and regain control in every negotiation—join my free training at slaythenarc.com.
Resources I Personally Love
When I find products or services that genuinely make life easier, I like to share them with my readers. These are tools I actually use and recommend:
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Memory & Connection: I use an Aura digital frame to share family photos—it’s an easy way to stay connected and relive meaningful moments.
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Entrepreneur Tools: For my online store, Shopify has been invaluable. It simplifies everything from payments to marketing so I can focus on helping people.
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Smart Parenting: Kidsy is a go-to site for high-quality, gently-used kids’ gear. Great finds without the retail chaos.
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Wellness: I use Vimergy supplements to help keep my focus and energy up—clean ingredients and no junk.
These are simply resources that have helped me keep my world running smoothly while empowering others to do the same.
Final Thoughts
Strategic communication is your greatest power. Stack your micro-yeses—and SLAY your negotiation like the powerhouse you are.
You can slay the bully.
You can negotiate your best life.
— Rebecca Zung, Esq.
The Leverage Lawyer™ | Creator of the SLAY Method® and SLAY AI™