When you hear the term “narcissism,” the images that tend to come to mind are of someone who loves to brag about themselves and put others down. The “me first” mentality is absolutely a core trait of narcissism, but there’s a darker side to some narcissists that isn’t as obvious.
Enter the covert narcissist. Playing the blame game is one of their main tactics to manipulate and shame their victims. They’re masters at twisting the situation to make themselves seem like the victim. If you’ve had the misfortune of experiencing a covert narcissist’s victim-playing, you know firsthand how confusing it can all be.
However, the covert narcissist’s techniques don’t work as well on people who understand what they’re up against. Learning their manipulative tactics and understanding how to outsmart them is key. Arming yourself with knowledge can empower you to successfully learn how to win against a narcissist in court and regain your sense of self.
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How Covert Narcissists Play the Victim
No matter the specific type of narcissist, there’s one thing they all have in common: they all have an insatiable need to fill their narcissistic supply. With no innate sense of self-worth, they constantly seek validation and fulfillment from outside sources.
While the ways they seek supply look different between different types of narcissists, the covert narcissist often twists situations to fit their narrative and make them seem like the victim. They do this for several reasons:
- To gain sympathy and attention, a main source of supply
- To shift the blame onto someone else and avoid accepting responsibility
- To manipulate and control those around them, another source of narcissistic supply
You may find a covert narcissist often claiming they’re not good enough or generally putting themselves down in order to get attention. You might find them guilt-tripping you by taking one mistake and holding it over you for the entire relationship (while ignoring any of their own mistakes). You might also see them using their unfortunate situation to get constant attention instead of moving forward and creating a better life.
The effects of playing the victim run deep. This form of psychological manipulation makes you question your reality—are you really as bad as they’re making you out to be? It makes you feel like your mistakes are massive, while theirs are easily dismissed. Like a black hole, the narcissist sucks away at your self-esteem to feed their own until you have nothing left.
The Impact of Victim-Playing in Legal Disputes
No matter how the covert narcissist in your life plays the victim, one thing is sure: it’s effective. Whether in a relationship, workplace, or legal battle, fighting against the covert narcissist’s victim-playing is no small task.
Narcissists will weaponize victimhood to their advantage in divorce, custody battles, workplace disputes, and more. They’ll often fabricate stories or exaggerate situations to manipulate the court.
Unfortunately, judges and lawyers who are unfamiliar with narcissistic abuse can be easily manipulated by their victim-playing. Without the right people on your side, it’s not easy to win a court battle against a narcissist.
Building Your Defense with the Right Team
Many times, the only way to help members of the court see through a narcissist playing the victim is to find a lawyer who specializes in dealing with narcissists.
While traditional legal strategies don’t always work against a narcissist’s manipulative tactics, lawyers who understand narcissism recognize gaslighting, victim-playing, and other legal manipulations. They know how to gather solid evidence and use it in court to counteract a narcissist’s emotional manipulation. They can also coach you in strategies for mediation with a narcissist to help you resolve disputes.
The trick is finding the right attorney. Look for attorneys who are experienced in high-conflict cases and psychological manipulation. Ask them about their knowledge of narcissistic behaviors and the strategies they use to combat them. Use referrals from support groups, online legal directories, or therapists.
Flipping the Script Against Narcissistic Victimhood
There’s nothing pleasant about being in a romantic or friendly relationship with a narcissist who constantly plays the victim—especially when you’re the one made to feel like the villain. It makes you question your reality and drains you emotionally as you’re constantly pouring sympathy and encouragement into the narcissist’s bottomless supply.
In a legal setting, a victim of narcissistic abuse needs a lawyer who specializes in narcissism. It’s their only chance of winning in court.
However hopeless a narcissist makes you feel, you can find hope with the right knowledge and legal team on your side. When you understand a narcissist’s victim-playing techniques and find a lawyer who’s experienced in dealing with narcissists, you have the tools you need to separate from narcissistic abuse, win in court, and find peace and healing.