Whether you’re dealing with a narcissist, or your neighbor, in any negotiation you really do want to have an overall strategy. That’s a given. While it may seem obvious to some, it isn’t obvious to most, that If you don’t know where you’re going, you certainly aren’t going to end up at a desired destination. Part of this strategy is always going to include have a clearly defined vision or outcome, as well as action steps as to how you are going to get to that outcome.

Another huge part of your strategy has to be a little something called “leverage.” This is a term everyone loves to throw around yet most people have very little understanding as to what leverage actually is, and if they have any idea at all what it is, then they don’t understand how or when to use it. Leverage is a critically important. But leverage without strategy is almost totally useless. Leverage is what will actually motivate and incentivize the other side to wanting to come to a peaceful resolution with you.

When you negotiating with a reasonable person, leverage is quite desirable. But it could potentially be optional – especially if the other side also would like to come to a resolution. When you negotiating with a narcissist. Leverage is not only necessary and critical. It is downright mandatory if you want to come to any sort of resolution. So here’s you secret tip of the day. While you may want to shut narcissists up. Or give them no rope at all. Sometimes it is actually better to give them rope. Let them talk. They love to lie. They break rules.

They ignore court orders. Give them opportunities to hang themselves. Give them opportunities to fail. This may mean that if you have the chance to give them more latitude in a temporary agreement, maybe it might be worth it. They will likely not to what they are supposed to do. Keep track. Do your documentation. They you can show how they failed Sometimes it means you keep them engaged in text messages or an email conversation. Let them admit to things. Give them a chance to lie. Give them opportunities to contradict themselves.

Then make your Summaries of Lies and Inconsistent Statements with your back up documentation as proof as use it at mediation. This is your leverage. This is how you SLAY. Is it a bit of a longer game?

Yes. Yes it is. But does it work in the long run.

You bet it does. Narcissists don’t think people are keeping track. They think they are getting away with their lies. It’s up to you to make sure they don’t. Not your lawyer. Not the judge. You can help your lawyer and the judge hold the narcissist accountable. And this. This is one way to do it.