Do you feel like it’s impossible to shut down the narcissist in your life? Do you feel like you are always the one being shut down? It is actually possible to shut them down. Remember that a narcissist wants to control you to obtain the narcissistic supply that they need in order to survive. Controlling you, in and of itself, is how they get supply but they also control you and everyone around them so that they can continue to get other forms of supply from various sources. Shutting them down is a means of momentarily or permanently cutting off their source of narcissistic supply. Here are some phrases and actions you can take to actually shut them down.
The first way that you can shut down that narcissist is by simply saying no. When you say no to a narcissist, you begin to take back your power. It’s you starting to tell them and yourself that things are not okay and that you are no longer going to be an active part in why things have been the way they are. By saying “no,” you are telling the narcissist that you are no longer going to take the deal that they’re offering you, no longer going to accept the settlement proposal, you are no longer going to be the person that they want you to be. You are going to fight back. Although you may trigger their narcissistic rage, just remember that the narcissist is always the worst right before they become ready to give up.
Say “I Hear You.”
Saying you hear the narcissist shows the narcissist that you aren’t actively fighting them. Even if you don’t actually believe or want to listen to what it is they are saying, this is a way to ethically manipulate the manipulator by shutting them up. In saying this, you hopefully make the narcissist feel seen, heard, and reassured that they matter. If so, they will no longer feel like they have to defend themselves or attack you because they are getting the supply that they want – even though you are serving it to them on a silver platter, purposefully. Some call this narcissistic fluffing- where you fluff up their ego a little bit- to get the outcome that you want.
Say “I Trust You.”
The next thing is to say, “I trust you” or “I trust that.” I write about embedded commands in my book which is a method in telling the narcissist how you feel without specifically using words you might otherwise use with a normal person. Similarly, this is a way of ethically manipulating the manipulator. When you say, “I trust you” or “I trust that,” you’re telling them what they can’t or really wouldn’t disagree or argue with.
Say “Everything Is Okay”
The next one is, “Everything is okay.” This makes them feel less alone. Although this may seem juvenile, the reason you’re treating them like a toddler is because they really are no different from toddlers. In this instance, you simply say, “It’s okay. Everything’s okay. We’ll figure this out.” You’re not giving them anything to push back on or fight up against. How can they argue with that?
By simply looking at them, letting them rant, letting them rave, and doing nothing you will certainly shut them down and shut them up. Not engaging with them will not only drive them crazy but will eventually cause them to shut down. After trying to egg you on time and time again, they will have to give up because if you do and say nothing – there’s nothing to fight with. There’s no bait. There’s nothing more that they can use. It takes a tremendous amount of restraint to do this but just try it out and see what happens. Just do and say nothing.
The last one is my absolute favorite which is no contact. Get rid of them. Goodbye. Bye, Felicia. See you later. Hopefully, never. Have a nice life, but have it away from me. This is what I had to do with the narcissists in my life, and thankfully, I haven’t had to talk to them for a long time. Hopefully, you won’t either. Just suck the oxygen away from that fire. Do not give them anything that they can use. I’ve also had to stay away from the people that I know are in those narcissist’s lives. As unfortunate as this has been, it has been necessary to ensure my mental health. My peace of mind and my life is not worth what it would take to be involved with the narcissists or their flying monkeys. I promise you, it will get so much better once you have taken this final step in going no contact.