Dealing with agreeable individuals in negotiations is often straightforward and harmonious. It’s natural to have good rapport and get along easily with such people, wouldn’t you agree? On the other hand, it is the toxic and challenging individuals who can inflict great misery upon your life.
In this article, I provide valuable guidance on enhancing your communication skills, negotiation skills, and effective strategies for dealing with such individuals. Now, let’s delve into the topic at hand: the eight commonly used catchphrases by narcissists. Typically, individuals tend to use this phrase when they want to address a situation where your trust in them was compromised. Allow me to provide you with an example. I once had a brief business partnership with someone, and during that time, this individual diverted funds that were meant to be deposited into the business account. Instead, they transferred the money, which was generated by the business, into their personal account. Upon my inquiry about the whereabouts of the money, she justified her actions by claiming that she had to deposit it into her personal account due to her lack of knowledge regarding the process of transferring funds into the business account. It immediately raised suspicions and gave off a distinct odor of dishonesty. I was undoubtedly skeptical, and rightfully so.
When I confronted her about this issue, she assured me that she would rectify the situation by transferring the funds back into the business account, but conveniently pleaded ignorance regarding the mechanics of accomplishing the transfer. In an attempt to address the situation, she claimed that she needed to seek guidance from her CPA or bookkeeper to determine the most appropriate method of transferring the funds and how to categorize it for bookkeeping purposes. However, it was evident that her explanation was filled with falsehoods. Throughout the conversation, she consistently emphasized the phrase “you can trust me,” despite the fact that her actions clearly demonstrated otherwise. It became increasingly apparent that this individual was a covert narcissist, and the ironic statement of “you can trust me” held no truth whatsoever.
Typically, they employ this phrase as a response when you start doubting their trustworthiness. However, my message to you is to rely on your instincts and not to place trust in them. It is important to note that they often use this statement as a way to deflect responsibility when you attempt to make a valid point or hold them accountable for their actions. It is possible that what you desire from them triggers their projection and deflection tactics. They may accuse you of attacking them or interrupting them as a means to avoid facing the truth or being caught in a lie. Projection and deflection are two common strategies they employ in such situations. If you are interested in delving further into the topic of what occurs when you catch a narcissist in a lie, I invite you to watch one of my YouTube video dedicated to that subject. Once again, projecting and deflecting become their go-to tactics. They redirect the focus onto attacking your words, tone, timing, or any other aspect of what you said, just to divert the conversation away from the subject you intended to discuss. Their aim is to avoid taking responsibility by shifting the narrative elsewhere, enabling them to evade accountability effortlessly. It’s their way of skillfully slipping out of the situation without facing the consequences.
Their evasiveness can be likened to trying to hold a slippery fish that effortlessly wriggles away. This brings us to the third tactic. They will either claim complete ignorance, saying “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” or they will flip the script and insist that you did discuss the matter, attempting to make you doubt your own memory. This manipulation technique is known as gaslighting, and it is one of their preferred strategies. Gaslighting allows them to maintain control and manipulate your perception of reality.
Gaslighting is a favorite manipulation technique among narcissists, particularly the covert ones, although they all tend to employ it as part of their toxic behavior repertoire. They employ phrases like “I never said that” or “I did say that” in order to distort reality and undermine your confidence. The purpose of gaslighting is to weaken and destabilize you, placing you under their control, to the point where you begin questioning your own sanity and doubting your own judgment. Over time, this relentless gaslighting can lead to a state of mental conditioning, almost like being brainwashed in a cult. It is crucial to seek therapy from a professional who is well-versed in narcissism, as it can be instrumental in recovering from the effects of gaslighting.
The next four tactics I will discuss are absolute in nature. Narcissists tend to view the world in terms of extremes, devoid of shades of gray. For them, you are either the best person they have ever encountered or the worst. It’s a dichotomy of being for them or against them. In their mindset, there must be a winner and a loser, especially in negotiations, where they strive to emerge as the victorious party. It is essential to bear in mind that if you are not aligning yourself with them, they will perceive you as being against them, and you will quickly become their primary target of criticism and hostility.
The final four tactics they employ revolve around speaking in absolutes, as they have a penchant for doing so. They will assert that no one else shares your thoughts, beliefs, or experiences. They want to isolate you, making you feel as though you are being ganged up on or bullied. They will gather their “flying monkeys” who unquestioningly support and believe them. According to them, everyone else sees them as right, fantastic, or excellent in various roles such as a parent, business partner, or any other aspect of their persona. They aim to make you feel like you are the only one who holds a different perspective. This manipulation is designed to weaken and destabilize you, leading you to question your own sanity and feeling overwhelmed by a sense of being controlled and manipulated. It is a means to assert power over you, belittle you, and degrade you.
The final four tactics they employ revolve around the use of absolute statements, which they frequently rely on. They will assert that no one else shares your thoughts, beliefs, or experiences, aiming to isolate you and make you feel as if you are being targeted or bullied. They will gather a group of loyal followers, often referred to as “flying monkeys,” who unquestioningly support and believe them. According to their narrative, everyone else perceives them as right, exceptional, or outstanding in various roles, be it as a parent, business partner, or in any other aspect of their lives. The intention behind this is to make you believe that you are the sole dissenter. This manipulation technique is designed to weaken and destabilize you, leading to self-doubt and a sense of being overwhelmed by their control and manipulation. It serves as a means for them to exert power over you, belittle you, and degrade you.
If you find yourself engaged in negotiations with a narcissist or any negotiation in general, I encourage you to download my complimentary “Crush My Negotiation” prep workbook from winmynegotiation.com. This comprehensive e-book spans 15 pages and is available to you completely free of charge. There’s no reason to delay in obtaining it. Negotiation is a skill everyone needs, whether it involves negotiating with others or even negotiating with oneself for personal self-worth. So, take advantage of this opportunity and grab your copy of the free worksheet now.
Remember today is a great day to start negotiating your best life!
For more ways to shift the power dynamic against the narcissist in your life check out my free masterclass right here http://icanslay.com
