Just as cigarette packages have warning labels on them, so should anger in the context of divorce. The label might say something like “Warning: Anger in divorce will cause harm to you, your children and your loved ones, and may make you sick. Quitting now may reduce serious risks!” Yes, anger is one of those traveling companions in divorce that is often inevitable but it is also very toxic.
1- Your health may suffer
2- Your children will suffer
3- Your negotiations and thus ultimately your divorce outcome may suffer – negotiating from a place of negative emotion rarely ends well.
I have often talked about the divorce paradox – that during the most difficult and most traumatic time of your life, you have to make the most critical decisions of your life, about your money, your children, your home, your business and your finances – all the things that matter the most to you.
Remember the movie “The War of the Roses”? When each party is trying to one up each other to get even or to “win” it becomes a never ending cycle which will take it’s toll on you emotionally, physically and financially. And more importantly for you, you are actually hurting yourself more than you are hurting the other person. While each action may seem satisfying at the time, at its core it is very disempowering. You are giving power to the other person. In effect, you are saying, “You have power over my life and I am going to try to take away that power by exerting power over you.” In reality, the other person only has the power you gave them. There is an awesome source of strength in coming to the realization that you have given permission to the other person to have power over you – and most importantly –in reality that you can revoke that power.
Anger is a reaction to being hurt- to having your heart broken in some way. You may have every right to be angry – but there is absolutely no point to dwelling in that anger.
Decide today to take control of your life and let it go.
Here’s an exercise for you – write a letter to your STBX, say everything you’re angry about – in detail – and include every way it is impacting you. Then take the letter, rip it up and throw it in the trash – and decide that one you trash it, your anger is gone.
If this was helpful for you, please go ahead and subscribe to my YouTube channel – Rebecca Zung – and also check out www.breakingfreefromdivorce.com to grab your free copy of my bestselling divorce book (we pay for the book, you cover the shipping). There are many other resources on that page as well.
Thanks for joining me today. I will see you tomorrow for Tuesday Tactics where I will tackle the question as to how to handle a spouse’s threats.