You want to know what’s happening inside a narcissist’s brain? This shocking science reveals it all. Today’s content is going to help you understand what is going on behind the science behind their brains. I found this so fascinating when I was doing the research for my book. So if you haven’t subscribed to my free resources, including my YouTube channel, Quora and Medium, go ahead and do that now. It means that you’re brand new here, so welcome. And if you are coming back, welcome back, because this is so fascinating, this is so enlightening. I was really, really shocked by this, but it really helped me to understand, especially because I’ve dealt with narcissists in my own life which really kicked off this whole path for me, which was like three and a half years ago. The whole thing for me, because I was dealing with a narcissistic business partner, and which laid the whole groundwork for my whole understanding of understanding narcissists in the first place. I had been an attorney for years dealing with narcissists but not really understanding what a narcissist was. This is really, really fascinating to me.
Before we begin, let me lay the groundwork for understanding what’s happening with the narcissist. First of all, most of us think, ‘Oh, they have so much confidence, they think so highly of themselves, they have more confidence than anybody.’ Actually, the opposite is true. They have more shame than anybody; they have more self-hatred than anybody. It’s actually the worst form of that. It’s almost like somebody who has the worst pain, if you have like a horrible toothache or somebody has hit your thumb with a horrible hammer, all you can think about is that pain. And that’s why they lack empathy.
But what drives that? When they were children, they actually were exposed to trauma on a regular basis. And when we as humans are exposed to trauma, our bodies respond by emitting chemicals into our bodies, our brain stump chemicals into our bodies to allow us to prepare to fight or to flee, right? We end up sweating, our hearts race, epinephrine, it’s adrenaline. When that happens on a regular basis, it can cause actual damage to the brain. And so what has happened is that the limbic system part of their brain actually sustained damage. There was an Arrested Development that happened to that part of the brain. So while the free prefrontal cortex part of the brain continued to develop, that limbic system part of their brain did not. And that is the part of the brain that when they are presented with stimuli that causes them to feel triggered, and it could be anything that could be triggering to them that isn’t necessarily rational or reasonable to us, you know, to somebody else, let’s just say, to somebody who considers it irrational. Could be a tone, it could be an eye roll, it could be anything. It could be nothing, it could be something that nobody did but they perceived it to be something. Then they see that as something that triggers that limbic system and now that narcissistic injury takes back over. And they are now thinking with that part of the brain is now activated. That’s what you’re dealing with instead of the prefrontal cortex part of their brain. And so when you go to negotiate with them, you’re not dealing with rational, you’re not dealing with reasonable, and it is extremely difficult because they’re not even working with rational or reasonable for themselves. And that’s why, you know, they will take themselves down to take you down at that point. They will do ridiculous things like ignore court orders or file ridiculous pleadings or lie about things that are readily verifiable. They constantly do things that are manipulating and that’s what drives these tendencies. There’s actually a physiological thing that’s going on inside their brain. You know, I’ve actually read that their hypothalamus is even smaller in some brain scans than other people’s hypothalamus. So while many people are dealing with people in a rational reasonable sense and trying to overlay rational and reasonable, you cannot because they’re literal. Their brains are literally thinking in a different way than other people’s brains.
You know, this is a person who has either experienced emotional neglect or some sort of emotional trauma. Their brain has responded in such a way to shield themselves as a defense mechanism in early childhood so that they don’t experience further hurt into adulthood. You actually are dealing with a person who is a child stuck in an adult’s body emotionally. But the problem with that is that when you go to negotiate with that, when you go to interact with that, when you go to deal with that, when they feel like they are being attacked, which is, you know, anytime you’re trying to break up with that, negotiate with that, you’re on the other side with that, it’s a problem. And they’re constantly trying to get narcissistic supply from that. They’re constantly trying to get fuel from that. And many people think, ‘Oh, they just want to win,’ but that’s not necessarily true because winning is only one form of supply. Winning is only how they look to the world. It completely discounts that they also love to manipulate you. They also love to see you squirm. Just the process of the vindictiveness of making your life miserable is also something that they enjoy as long as they are getting that source of fuel from you. As long as they are getting that source of supply from you, they will also never leave you alone. You have to threaten that source of supply as well.
If any of this is resonating with any of you, I would love to know what you’re thinking in the comment section. The way that you can combat this is through making sure that you get the help and support that you need by joining support groups. Because there’s no way that you can do this on your own and getting into step one: don’t run, step two: make a U-turn, step three: Break Free, because they’re not very clearly it’s not something that they’re going to get help on on their own. So you’re the one who’s going to have to change, get the help and support that you need, and make sure that you get the help and support that you need through therapy as well. If you need access to therapy, we have a sponsor on this channel which is BetterHelp. You can go to betterhelp.com/rebeccazung. They are a sponsor for us, so we receive commissions on that. It doesn’t cost you any extra. We just want you to have access to help and support that you can trust.
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Please remember, they only win if you give in. Today’s a great day to start negotiating your best life. For more ways to shift the power dynamic against the narcissist in your life check out my free masterclass right here: http://icanslay.com
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