Today’s topic is how to have courage in the face of fear, and how to apply that to your divorce.
I recently saw a quote that may already be familiar to many of you. It is attributed to Nelson Mandela and says “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
Whenever one starts a new endeavor, or is getting ready to make major changes in life, the universal experience of that new endeavor is fear. Now obviously there are those are already more comfortable with that emotion than others. Those who seek the thrill of jumping out of airplanes, risking all of their life savings on a new business venture, or the Rosa Parks of the world who just simply are resolute in their beliefs and are ready to face the giants for the purpose of making changes.
Starting the divorce process is no different. The feeling and experience of fear is the first emotion that every single person about to embark on the divorce journey has. The reasons for that are varied. Fear of being alone. Fear of change. Fear of stigma. Fear of losing money. Fear of not seeing the kids enough. Fear of change of lifestyle. Fear of the divorce outcome –i.e. having to pay alimony, etc. But the core of the fear is universal. It’s the fear of the great unknown.
As human beings, we like to know. We hate the unknown. As much as we experience that there is so much we don’t know on a daily basis, we still push against it. That pushing takes many forms. We fill in meaning where there is none. We make assumptions about situations that are often wrong. We imagine all the worst possible scenarios then proceed forward as though they are actually truth.
All of the above happens in stereo, in living color and on steroids during divorce. The adrenaline is gushing and pulsing through our veins. The fight or flight mentality takes over. We move into survival mode. I know. I’ve been through my own divorce and have helped thousands through the process.
A few years ago, I read the book Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert. She was mostly talking about how to start something new in your career and especially if you aspire to be a writer, but one of the anecdotes she used in the book, struck me, and I have never forgotten it. She says that when she is embarking upon a new project, she has a conversation with her fear. If we were to eavesdrop in on the conversation it might sound something like this:
“Fear. I am about to start something new again. I would like for you to not come along. But by now I understand that you’re coming whether I like it or not. So we are going on this trip together and you can ride along. But you do NOT get to sit up front. You have to sit in the back seat. You do NOT get to touch the radio or choose the music- and you most definitely do NOT get to take the wheel and steer.”
I found this to be a great way to deal with fear in anything in life.
The bottom line – Fear is natural and normal.
Overcoming fear grows courage inside of you.
Overcoming and being triumphant over fear transforms you.
One of the other ways you can take control of your fear and your divorce is through my private virtual divorce masterclasses! The Core 4 Series and the Core 4+ Kids series. Skip the hassle. Save the fees. You can check them out by visiting my website at https://www.breakingfreefromdivorce.com.
Thanks for joining me today. I give tips, tricks and divorce secrets every day. If you enjoyed this, please head on over to my youtube channel and hit subscribe. Also for a free copy of my bestselling divorce book, make sure to check out https://www.breakingfreethebook.com.
I will see you tomorrow for Tuesday Divorce Tactics.
Until then, remember you’re just one step away from your new life. Together, we’ve got this.
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