Triangulation is a manipulation tactic that narcissists use to isolate their victims. Flying monkeys are the people that narcissists use during triangulation. These individuals may not even know that they are being used by the narcissist. Narcissists manipulate their targets and the people around them into doing their dirty work for them.
When I was dealing with narcissists in my personal life, there were times where I could feel something strange happening; however, I didn’t have the terminology to describe what it was that I was experiencing. I now know that I was a victim of the narcissist’s triangulation tactic and that flying monkeys were being lined up and manipulated into disliking me. I knew that something was wrong. I had a gut feeling that people were starting to think of me differently. I felt disliked.
There are certain kinds of phrases that a narcissist might use when in the process of triangulation. If you sense that something is off and hear the narcissist in your life say one or more of these things – it will be safe to assume that triangulation is occurring and that flying monkeys are being lined up.
“Everybody/Nobody”
One of the words that narcissists will often say when triangulating is the word “everyone.” They will start telling you that everyone thinks a certain way or that everyone else believes a certain thing. They might say that everyone knows how difficult you are and/or how great they are. They might say that everyone else believes that they are a great father or a great mother. Saying “everyone” is a way to make the narcissist’s victim feel isolated in his or her thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
The flip side of this is saying “nobody.” They will say pretty much the same things but will use the word nobody to get their point across and to make you feel isolated, alone, and even feeling like you’re crazy and/or losing your mind.
If they are saying these things to you it is likely that they are starting their smear campaign against you. They are likely getting people in your life to feel, think, and believe certain things about you.
“Always/Never”
Narcissists are incredibly hyperbolic. They are dramatic and grandiose in nearly everything that they do. Narcissists will tell you, or others, that certain behaviors are either always or never occurring- even if the behavior is actually sometimes/rarely happening. They will tell you that you are always drinking or that you never help around the house. This is to get under your skin and into your head. When they tell others, they are trying to dramatize everything so that they can manipulate people into believing them.
“Even”
Narcissists will also often use the word “even” when they are performing triangulation. They will say things like “even my parents think you’re crazy” or “even the people at the grocery store heard you talk to me like that.” This is used, again, to dramatize statements to make you feel isolated, alone, and like you are crazy.
