In this day and age, so many of our relationships occur virtually. It’s important to keep in mind the types of people we are surrounding ourselves with – even if it’s via the phone or computer. I have compiled a list of 5 signs or red flags to look out for in case you might be thinking that the person on the other side of that phone might just be a narcissist.
All narcissistic relationships start off with something that looks like what we call love bombing. Love bombing is just what it sounds like. Love bombing consists of someone overflowing the relationship with love, chivalry, generosity, etc. Love bombing in a non-romantic relationship can look like extreme generosity with networking, paying for meals, acts of service, validation, etc. If you are texting with someone that could be a potential narcissist, and you are in the beginning of that relationship, you are going to want to look out for this. They may come on super strong or may seem “too good to be true.” You may be overwhelmed but thinking to yourself that it’s a good thing. They may start making plans with you right away – even plans for a foreseeable future together. They’re probably telling you how amazing, perfect, beautiful, intelligent, and inspiring you are. In a business setting, they may be bringing in the best clients and the most sales. They might be telling you about all of their contacts- name dropping left and right. Whatever it is you’re looking for or might be interested in, they are surprisingly looking for or interested in the same. Narcissists are extremely skilled at reading people. If the person on the other side of the modem is, in fact, a narcissist – they will be trying to become whatever it is that they think you need/want. You may even believe it to be true.
The next red-flag to look out for is self-centered messages. Every time you are texting with the potential narcissist, they may be sending you essays and long paragraphs about what is going on in their life – without asking about you and yours. This is the most obvious sign that the person on the other end is a narcissist. Although you may be asking all of these questions and they’re just very engaged in answering, it’s important to see whether they are asking questions about you in the same right. If not, these self-centered novels are definitely a good sign the person you’re talking to is a narcissist. If you are an empath, this is going to be a difficult task as you probably love hearing all about other people’s lives. It’s important to remember and make sure there’s room for you and your life in all of your relationships too. Additionally, a narcissist will even send unsolicited pictures of themselves! They will send selfies of them and only them – not necessarily of the cool things they are doing that they want to show you, or of their friends/family, they will send pictures of themselves. Unsolicited. Yikes!
The next sign that you’re texting with a narcissist is future faking. Future faking is when a narcissist talks all about the things that he or she wants to do with you and how incredible the future is going to be together. It may be that you are going to get married and have a beautiful family or it may be that you’re going to create an incredible business. If someone is talking about these things at a time that seems maybe a bit early on in the relationship – this is definitely a red flag. Of course, two people can be excited about a project but if it’s just one person that is talking all about the future endeavors, you should be wary.
Narcissists love to play hot and cold. One minute the narcissist might be love bombing you and the next minute – they aren’t responding to your messages at all. Of course, not every person that doesn’t respond to a message is a narcissist but it’s important to see whether the lack of response or ghosting seemed natural following the love bombing. If this is a pattern, definitely watch out as they are trying to gain control over you by messing with your neuronal patterns! The hot and cold behaviors of a narcissist are intentional- they want you to swoon and then be worried that they are no longer interested in you. It’s sickening, really. Definitely be careful about any ghosting, silent treatments, and hot/cold texting patterns.
Similarly to self-centered messages, narcissists will also brag about themselves any chance they can get. Although the person may be asking you all of the right questions and seemingly interested in you, if you notice that they are constantly talking about their accomplishments or talking down upon others and their failures – it may be a sign that a narcissist is on the other end of that phone. If you have experienced more than one of these in a text exchange with someone, it is likely that they have a higher level of narcissistic tendencies than normal people do. At that point, you may want to re-evaluate the relationship.