To understand what surprises a narcissist, it’s really important that you understand what makes a narcissist tick to begin with. Remember that the narcissist’s childhood caused them to believe that in order to survive, they must manipulate, lie, and hurt others to control the outcome of their lives and to gain a sense of inner value. If you are an empath, it’s important to remember that you cannot help this person. You cannot save them or make them better. Narcissists can’t truly be rehabilitated.There’s nothing that can be done to actually teach them how to love, have compassion, or have empathy. They need to view the world through a distorted lens in order to survive. They have a scarcity mentality and feel as if they don’t get everything that they possibly can from outside sources, they will not survive. They believe that the world is a terrible place and that nobody is to be trusted. They are constantly in survival mode.
Although you cannot change them, you can change your behaviors so that their reaction to you is different. If you want to surprise them, there are only a few things that the narcissist won’t believe is happening based on the way they perceive you and the world.
Kindness
When someone shows genuine kindness and generosity, they will be immediately shocked. Because of the way that they operate, they will start questioning the kind behaviors. They will ask themselves, “What’s behind this?” and “What’s this person’s ulterior motive?” or “What does this person want from me?” They, personally, would never show anyone kindness or generosity unless they believe they will gain something from that type of behavior. They think others operate this exact same way. For example, you will never see a narcissist be an anonymous benefactor. If they do not get some sort of supply in return from their behavior, it isn’t worth it. Narcissists are inherently selfish beings. Genuine kindness and generosity without the expectation of something in response will seriously shock the narcissist in your life. It’s important to note that kindness and generosity also gives the narcissist supply, be sure not to allow them to take advantage of this because they will certainly try to.
Standing up to them
Narcissists are so used to intimidating others- especially malignant and grandiose narcissists. Although standing up to narcissists can be really important and crucial when communicating with them and surviving their wrath, you must be very careful when you do this. You want to be sure you’re doing it in a strategic way that will not put you in any danger. Standing up to a narcissist really shifts the dynamic. You are probably used to being afraid, intimidated, and threatened. If you suddenly show them a new side of you, they will most definitely be surprised.
Going no contact
Narcissists believe that you’ll never leave them- although their worst fear is that you will. This is because of the way they have manipulated the relationship from the beginning. Their goal was to get you into a position within the relationship where leaving is not an option. This is because of their deep-seeded fear of abandonment. You have probably accepted way too many unimaginable things within the relationship, you have probably moved the line in the sand multiple times, you have given them way too many chances. They don’t think you’ll ever actually walk away because you haven’t thus far. If you do decide to stop talking to them, interacting with them, start creating boundaries, and finally going no contact, they’ll actually be very surprised. You will most likely trigger their narcissistic injury which will then expose their narcissistic rage. They will likely try and manipulate you back into the relationship through love bombing. It’s important, for your sanity, to stay strong in your boundaries and not engage. You now have the power. Use it!
Figuring them out
Narcissists spend their entire lives trying to hide who they really are. If you finally understand what it is you’re dealing with, you have become their worst nightmare. They have been exposed. They know that you know that they don’t actually have the power. If they get the idea that you have finally figured them out, they are not only surprised but panicked. This is their absolute worst nightmare because it increases the risk of them losing the supply that they need in order to survive. Do your research, understand the beast you’re dealing with, and use the knowledge you’ve discovered to exit the relationship!
