Just hearing the word “narcissist” leaves an uneasy feeling hanging thick in the air like a noxious gas. Narcissists use every trick in the book to manipulate, control, and isolate their victims. And, like a poisonous gas, they spread their tendrils of toxicity far and wide to ensure their victims are left powerless and emotionally beaten down.
One way they do this is by using others to do their bidding, like the flying monkeys from The Wizard of Oz. Spying, shaming, and accusing are some of the actions the narcissist manipulates others into doing for them in the name of targeting their victim.
If you’re the victim in question, you need to arm yourself against these attacks. Learning all about these strategies, understanding how to deal with a narcissist in court, and finding valuable allies can help shield you from the narcissist’s far-reaching assaults.
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What Are Narcissists’ Flying Monkeys?
Narcissists thrive on controlling their victims. Often, they’ll use others—friends, family members, coworkers, and even your close relations—to maintain control. These people become their spies, spreading misinformation and delivering emotional attacks on the victims.
While some of these people are knowingly acting as the narcissist’s flying monkeys, others might not fully understand what they’re doing. (After all, narcissists are excellent manipulators.) These unwitting flying monkeys might think they’re acting in your best interest, simply looking out for you and helping the narcissist understand you better.
As the victim, your friends and family members might say things to you like, “Bob (the narcissist) is really concerned about you. He said your drinking problem is getting out of control.” This emotional manipulation accomplishes two things: it tears down your self-esteem, and it keeps others on the lookout, ready to report back to Bob the second a drink touches your lips.
All of this works in the narcissist’s favor. Not only does it allow them to maintain control from afar, but it also allows them to avoid confrontation and, therefore, any accountability on their part.
How Narcissists Recruit Flying Monkeys
As the narcissist’s victim, you know firsthand how adept they are at exploiting emotional connections. Using fear, guilt, or loyalty to manipulate those around them is their specialty. In the case of their flying monkeys, they’ll use these emotional tactics to recruit people and extend their control over you.
Narcissists will also create distorted narratives, painting themselves as the victim and you as the villain. Despite being the opposite of reality, this tactic works brilliantly to recruit allies, encouraging sympathy for the narcissist and judgment for you.
After being manipulated, the flying monkeys become powerful tools for gaslighting, isolating, and launching smear campaigns against you. Ultimately, the narcissist’s goal is to completely destabilize you, and flying monkeys are the perfect way to do it.
The Devastating Impact of Flying Monkey Abuse
When you experience flying monkeys on your tail, you face emotional whiplash. The people you once trusted turn against you with no warning. You don’t know where to turn, who to trust, or who to rely on. As your reputation deteriorates, it only further deepens your emotional trauma.
Worse still, the indirect nature of flying monkey abuse makes it harder to prove. You feel trapped and powerless to do anything against the narcissist.
Strategies for Neutralizing the Flying Monkeys
So, what can you do? With no one to talk to and nowhere to turn, what options do you have for regaining control?
- Recognize when you’re being targeted. Watch for sudden shifts in how friends, colleagues, and family treat you. Are they doing or saying anything out of character, particularly with regard to your relationship with the narcissist? If you notice any shifts, especially if that treatment is rooted in misunderstandings or baseless accusations, it’s best to assume they’ve become a flying monkey.
- Establish boundaries. Lay down your boundaries with every flying monkey and stick to them. Refuse to engage in drama or defend yourself endlessly. Instead, make it clear that you won’t participate in conversations that are meant, either by the narcissist or the flying monkey, to bring you down.
- Avoid emotional reactions. It’s so easy to let your emotions get the best of you—especially when you’re being baited by a flying monkey—but this will ultimately drain you and cause you more hurt. If you find yourself stuck and not knowing how to communicate with a flying monkey, take a negotiation strategies course and learn ways to protect yourself.
Protecting Your Peace
Dealing with a narcissist is exhausting, often leaving you with more emotional baggage than you ever thought you could carry. The way the narcissist takes control from you and turns others against you is incredibly hurtful.
However, it’s crucial to realize that there is a way out. Even recognizing that the narcissist has sent flying monkeys after you is a massive step toward reclaiming your power. When you’re aware of their tactics and can create strategies to protect your peace, you can shut off the narcissist’s supply of toxicity and clear the air of conflict.
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Infographic
The term “narcissist” can trigger anxiety for those whom they have manipulated. They use psychological tactics to control and isolate their victims, often enlisting “flying monkeys” to assist in their schemes. Explore how narcissists manipulate through others in this infographic.
