Being married to a narcissist means you slowly have pieces of yourself chipped away. It starts with the narcissist questioning your confidence, and eventually, you even lose track of your own reality.
One of the many things you may lose in a marriage to a narcissist is your financial freedom. If you once felt like you had complete visibility of and control over your finances, the narcissist may slowly begin to take those things from you. To them, it’s not about the money itself—it’s about the power and control that come with it.
Unfortunately, these narcissistic techniques don’t go away during a divorce. In fact, things may get even more intense. To learn how to deal with a narcissist wife or husband during divorce proceedings, it’s crucial to learn their strategies, seek trusted legal advice, and build emotional resilience. With the right tools, you can safely navigate your divorce and rediscover financial freedom.
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Understanding the Narcissist’s Divorce Tactics
Narcissists love to make life difficult for those who oppose them. That idea is especially true in a divorce. No matter how much you might wish for a painless, conflict-free divorce, the reality is that your ex will never give that to you. It’s best to learn their tactics so you can be prepared.
Just as your narcissistic spouse drained you of confidence and happiness in your marriage, they’ll aim to drain you of your financial and emotional resources during divorce proceedings. They’ll drag out the divorce process by hiding assets, filing useless motions and petitions, submitting incomplete bank statements, and hiding assets.
The ultimate goal of these strategies is to gain more power over you. When a narcissist feels they’ve drained you of your finances and will to keep fighting in the divorce, they get a substantial hit to their narcissistic supply. They’ll keep taking things from you to gain more supply until you show them you won’t give in.
That’s why it’s so crucial to recognize their tactics and develop an effective counter-strategy. When you know how to fight back and show them you won’t let them control you, you can gain leverage to help win your case.
Beating a Narcissist in Divorce Court
Once you’ve prepared yourself against a narcissist’s strategies, you’re ready to take a stand against them in court. Preparation starts with searching for lawyers who specialize in narcissistic abuse. These attorneys will not only understand what you’ve gone through, but they’re the best equipped to help you beat a narcissist in court.
Next, you’ll need to prepare all financial documentation and evidence. This can be a lengthy process, and it might require the help of a forensic accountant. All the work will be well worth it once you’re in court and fully prepared with everything you need.
You should also work with your attorney to set firm legal boundaries and stick to facts rather than emotional arguments in court. Taking all emotion out of the situation not only helps protect your emotional well-being, but it also strengthens your case with facts and firm evidence.
Divorce Negotiation Strategy for Financial Protection
Next, you’ll want to focus exclusively on your financial situation. If you don’t already have a separate bank account from your spouse, get one as soon as possible. You may need to do it secretly. If you feel like your finances aren’t safe, seek a financial restraining order.
After you’ve done that, it’s time to plan ahead for your long-term financial stability. This means preparing a legal strategy to help you secure fair spousal support, child support if applicable, retirement funds, and property and asset divisions. You may also need to work with a financial advisor to help you understand settlement options and ensure economic security after your divorce.
Negotiating with a Narcissist
Going back to the idea of keeping your emotions in check, you’ll need to adopt this strategy outside of court, too. In mediation and negotiations, always strive to use a business-like approach. Communicate as little as possible, and use your lawyer for all formal communications.
Remember, one of a narcissist’s main goals is to feel like they’ve drained you of all fight. Like toddlers, they often behave badly just to get a reaction out of you. In negotiations, they’ll inevitably try to bait you into showing emotion. Don’t take the bait. Instead, use phrases like, “You’re entitled to your opinions as much as I am” or “That’s an interesting perspective.” These phrases help the narcissist feel validated without showing emotional reactivity or fighting back aggressively.
Despite all your efforts, the narcissist may still refuse to cooperate with you. If this happens, you’ll go to court to settle things in litigation. Remember to keep all your previous strategies in mind when you go to court—rely on a lawyer who understands how to negotiate with a narcissist, prepare against narcissistic manipulation, and don’t let your emotions show. Keep your goal of financial freedom at the front of your mind.
Finding Financial Freedom After Divorce
While “divorce” can be a terrifying word, divorcing a narcissist actually opens the door to a new life. Where you were previously beaten down, divorcing a narcissist allows you to regain financial freedom and no longer fall victim to a narcissist’s financial abuse.
When you understand narcissistic tactics, find a competent legal team, and prepare effectively for negotiations, you can take back control of your future and build a stable, independent life free from manipulation and financial oppression.
Infographic
Divorcing a narcissistic spouse can be both emotionally and financially exhausting. However, with the right strategies and support, it can also be an opportunity to reclaim your power and financial independence. This infographic outlines essential financial strategies to navigate the process successfully.
