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N.Y.B.L. Podcast Ep 181 (Gaslighting Phrases and 10 Techniques that Narcissists Use)
[00:00:00] Rebecca Zung: Welcome to another episode of Negotiate Your Best Life. I’m Rebecca Zung. In this episode, we’re gonna be talking all about. Gaslighting phrases and gaslighting techniques that narcissists use. Oh yeah. We’re getting right into it today. And by the way, if you wanna know all about this, I am getting all into it in my brand new book, slay the Bully, how to Negotiate With a Narcissist, and When Which You Can Pre-Order right now@slaythebully.com.
[00:00:41] Go check that out. And when you do that, you get early access to the entire manuscript, plus tons and tons of bonuses. So you’ll wanna make sure you do that. Right away too. So slay the bully.com for my brand new book, [00:01:00] and let’s dive in to this super incredible juicy episode 21 gaslighting phrases and 10 gaslighting techniques that Narcissist use.
[00:01:14] Hey there, I’m Rebecca Zung and I’m an attorney. I’m also a narcissist negotiation expert, and I’ve written a couple of bestselling books and I have a brand new book on the way called Slay the Bully, how to Negotiate With a Narcissist and Win. And I wanna help you win too by helping you shift that dynamic with narcissist and break free from the toxic relationships that you are in.
[00:01:38] Okay, so now we are going to be talking about 21 gaslighting phrases and 10 gaslighting techniques. This is a favorite of all kinds of narcissist, whether you are dealing with a covert narcissist, a grandiose narcissist, or a [00:02:00] malignant narcissist. All narcissists use gaslighting techniques. What. Is gaslighting.
[00:02:06] First of all, let’s define gaslighting before we even get into this. Gaslighting is when narcissists are trying to make you think that you’re crazy. I think that it’s easiest to actually talk about where the term gaslight even came from, because I think that makes it kind of easiest to figure out. And it actually came from an old play, which it was also a movie where the husband was trying to make the wife think that she was crazy.
[00:02:37] And what he would do, he would blow out these gaslights and the wife would say, wasn’t that just lit? And she, he would say, no. No, it wasn’t. She would say, I’m pretty sure that was just lit. And he would say, mm-hmm. Nope. And that’s how she, he would actually make her question her own mind. And that’s what [00:03:00] gaslighting is.
[00:03:00] That’s where the term came from. It’s to make you question your own mind. So, It’s basically things that you think you’re seeing or things that you think you’re hearing or whatever, they make you question your own sense of reality. So it, it happens in many different forms and many different formats, but that’s, Where it comes up.
[00:03:24] So number one, for example, is I never said that. I never said that. So literally they will say things like, we’ll pay you back on the rent that I. Borrowed from you on this money. You know, I, I’ll borrow money from you and then, you know, I’ll pay you back. Then you go to ask them for the money back and they’ll say, I never said that.
[00:03:52] I never said that I was gonna pay you back, or I never said that I was gonna pay you back in the this way or on those terms, you know, [00:04:00] whatever. You know, I never said that. You’re over there going, you definitely did. You definitely said that you were gonna pay me back. You definitely said you were gonna.
[00:04:08] Pay me back this weekend, or you definitely said you were gonna come this weekend. You know that a certain conversation took place and they’ll say, I never said that you, you know that it happened in a certain way and they’ll. Completely just deny it and they’ll even accuse you of being the crazy one that you know that that never took place in that way.
[00:04:35] And when these ki kinds of things happen a lot over time, then you really. Start to question your own mind, right? And, and it’s used to control you. It’s used to destabilize you. And when you go to negotiate, especially after you’ve been with this person for a really long time, and now you’re trying to go through the dissolution [00:05:00] of a marriage or a diff dissolution of a partnership or any kind of a negotiation, you know, maybe it’s your boss or you know, any kind of.
[00:05:09] Business situation, it’s difficult because you’re in this mental fog or cognitive dissonance. It’s even a, a physical thing, you know, can cause autoimmune disorders and all kinds of issues and, and you’re really at a disadvantage sometimes because of that. So that’s number one. I never said that. Number two is you are too sensitive.
[00:05:32] So, you know, they might say something that’s. Just really, really offensive and they know that it’s offensive. You know, they’ll just say you’re too sensitive. So, you know, maybe they’ll say something about your weight or maybe they’ll say something about your brain or how you are with numbers or your driving or anything.
[00:05:55] And you know, when you take offense to it, they’ll say, you’re too [00:06:00] sensitive. And by the way, it’s not. The same on the other side. Right? Because you know how narcissists are, they’re so easily slighted at the, the wind blowing. I mean, you can have say something and, and they’ll take offense at your tone, at your eyes.
[00:06:21] At nothing. I mean, they’ll say, I can’t speak to you because you have raised your voice. You interrupted me. They’ll say, you interrupted me when you didn’t even interrupt. You know? So, but they’ll accuse you of being too sensitive even when you weren’t sensitive. Right? So that’s number two. Number three is, They’ll say, it sounds like you don’t really know what you want or what you need right now.
[00:06:52] They accuse you of these things because you do know what you want. Or you do know what [00:07:00] you need, but they do these kinds of things because, or they say these kinds of things because they don’t want to get into a conversation where you are asking for something, where you are needing something. They don’t wanna have to address your wants.
[00:07:20] They don’t wanna have to address your needs, so they actually turn things around to make it. So that they make it seem like you’re crazy or you are delusional. It’s a way of shifting the conversation away from having to address anything about you, because they most certainly do not want to have. Any kind of deep conversations or conversations where they’re going to have to be on the hook for having to be there and be available for you.
[00:07:57] So that’s why they’ll say things like, [00:08:00] you don’t really know what you want. You don’t really know what you need. They know that you know exactly what you want or what you need. They just don’t wanna have to provide it to you. Okay, so that’s number three. Number four is they’ll make a statement and then deny having made that statement, and, and they, they’ll do that.
[00:08:25] In the middle of the same conversation, you know, they’ll say something and be having a fight with you, and in the middle of that same conversation, deny that they said something. It, it’s extremely frustrating because you, you can say you literally just. Said something and then they’ll say, I didn’t just say that.
[00:08:51] Or they’ll accuse you of saying something that you didn’t say, oh, you know, you just called me a loser. I [00:09:00] never said that. You know, and you can say, I never said that. And oh, I just literally heard you say that. You get into these ridiculous conversations with them. But they say that, Right. You know, and they’ll, they’ll, they’ll literally get into these conversations with you or they’ll deny proof of something, even if you have proof of its existence.
[00:09:25] You know, like you can say, you said this, and you can show them a text message that they said something and they’ll literally say, I didn’t say that. I’ve had this conversation with ports, you know, where I’ve had a narcissistic attorney on the other side and I’ve had the transcript where they literally said something in court and they’ve said they didn’t say it.
[00:09:56] It’s absolutely insanity, but [00:10:00] they will do that. So that’s. Number four. Number five is don’t be so dramatic. It doesn’t mean anything. Don’t be so dramatic. It doesn’t mean anything. You know, this is where you might see a text message that it looks definitely really suspicious, like miss you, or there’s, you know, hearts.
[00:10:27] And, you know, something that definitely looks inappropriate or something like that. Or you might see photographs or something that looks inappropriate, or behavior that looks inappropriate, where there, you know, having an a, a relationship with somebody else that they shouldn’t be. Anything like that, don’t be so dramatic.
[00:10:51] It doesn’t mean anything. I don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You are making too much of this. [00:11:00] Things like that. So that’s number five. Number six is you’re just imagining things just go to sleep, you know, we’ll talk about it in the morning. They, they don’t wanna have a conversation right now, so they push it off because they, they think.
[00:11:20] That if they push it off, you’ll forget about it. It’s a conversation that won’t have to happen. So, you know, just go to bed, you’ll have a clear head later and you know, just pat you on the head, you’re being over dramatic. Just go to sleep, go to bed. We’ll talk about it later. You know, that kind of thing.
[00:11:45] So that’s number six. You know? Go take a breath, go meditate, take a few days, you know, that sort of thing like. You’re, you’re just making too much of it. Go take some time because [00:12:00] you are just making so much of this that you probably just need to take some time. So that’s number six and number seven, it’s just a joke, you know?
[00:12:10] Or they’ll just add ha to the end of something, you know? They’ll just say something that’s just completely mean, absolutely awful. And then they’ll just be like, oh ha, you know, I know somebody who was like, that was like their signature. They’ll say there was something that was absolutely awful and then just add ha to the end of it, which is so horrible.
[00:12:38] Like they think that was like their get outta jail free card. Right? Just adding ha to the end of things. Number eight is you are the problem. Not me. So you know, they don’t ever wanna think that they’re the ones that have the problem.[00:13:00] [00:14:00]
[00:14:54] Number nine is, I don’t like when you brought this [00:15:00] up or I. How you brought this up. That is such a classic one. You know, it’s that project and deflect, you know, kind of, you know, diversion thing. It’s just never a good time. Why did you bring that up now? Why do you bring that up now? And you know, or, I don’t like how you brought that up, you’re.
[00:15:20] Tone was bad. You interrupted me. It’s a bad time. It’s a diversion thing to put it back on the other person, you know, because then we don’t have to actually talk about it. So that’s the whole thing. You know, you, you bring up these suspicious text messages or whatever. It’s like, why are you bringing that up now?
[00:15:41] Or what? I, oh, now I don’t like the way your tone, your tone is. Oh, uh, now you’re interrupting me. Oh, now it’s, Uh, it’s too loud, or now that it’s too hot in the room, or whatever it is, you know, it’s just, it’s all about you. Okay. That’s number nine. Number 10 is, okay. Let’s [00:16:00] just forget about all of this and let’s just think about our future.
[00:16:04] Let’s just start over. We’ve got. So many great things ahead of us. We can just think about how many wonderful things, why are we being negative here? Let’s just think about the positive future. It doesn’t, it doesn’t help us to dwell about the past. Okay. Let’s just forget about all of this and start over.
[00:16:33] Okay, so that’s number 10. Number 11. Is I’m not angry. You know, they will literally rip and tear into you. You’re afraid for your life. And then you ask them, why are you so angry? And then they’ll, you’ll, they’ll say, I’m not angry. And, and you’re literally like shaking. And they’ll say, I’m, I’m not angry. I mean, it’s [00:17:00] almost scary sometimes.
[00:17:03] You know, so that’s number 11. Number 12 is, this is why no one likes you. You know, this is one of those, you know, to make you think it’s all about you. You are the one that has the problem. No one else to isolate you, to make you think you are the one who has the problem, not them. So this is why no one likes you.
[00:17:28] And, and you know, this is one of the worst ones because normally you also have your own core wounds. And so it really speaks to that and it makes it so much worse. So this is why no one likes you. So that’s number 12. Number 13 is, can’t you take a joke? Can’t you take a joke? Come on. Kind of comes back to that HA thing.
[00:17:56] So that’s number 13. And number [00:18:00] 14 is, let’s forget about all of this. That’s that future faking thing again. And number 15 is you’re reading way too much into this. You know, it’s again, your fault number. 16 is stop being so insecure. You’re the one being so insecure. Number 17 is, I’m sorry you feel that way.
[00:18:29] I could do a whole video on FA Apologies, which I have done, which you can definitely check out my other videos on. Narcissist. So fa apologies. Do narcissists really apologize? Mm, I wonder. So you can check that out, those other videos on that and number. 18 is, well, excuse me, for trying to be wonderful to [00:19:00] you.
[00:19:00] There’s a guilt apology. That’s what I call those guilt apologies. But this is all part of that manipulation ship that you’re in. Remember, everything a narcissist does is a manipulation. Everything they do, even when they love bomb you, it’s a manipulation. Okay? And. Number 19, I guess I’m just a horrible person.
[00:19:28] I guess I’m just horrible. This is when they try to flip things around on themselves. You know, when you’re asking for something, when you’re trying to get them to feel anything about you, it’s, I guess I’m just horrible. They turn it on themselves to be a victim. And then number 20. No one else loves you.
[00:19:54] Like I do, again, trying to [00:20:00] isolate you, trying to make ev you think that no one else loves you, only they do, right? Because they’re afraid to be abandoned. Remember, narcissists are way more afraid of you than you are of them. Their biggest fear is that you’re gonna abandon them or expose them, which goes back to number 21.
[00:20:23] Number 21. Is everyone else thinks and no one else thinks so. They have this whole thing, and I have a whole video on narcissist favorite catch phrases, which you can definitely check out, which they say these things all the time. Everyone else thinks this, and no one else thinks that. Things that they say to isolate you, to make you think that you’re the one who’s crazy.
[00:20:53] These things that they’re doing, cuz they’re trying to make you think that you’re the one that’s crazy. [00:21:00] You’re not. It’s not you, it’s them. Which is why I wanna get, go into the 10 gaslighting techniques that narcissists use right now. Number one is invalidating your feelings. Invalidating your feelings so that you think that you’re, you know, not so sensitive.
[00:21:20] Don’t be so sensitive. Invalidating your feelings. Number two, making you think that you had conversations that didn’t take place. You know, we talked about that and you agree, don’t you remember, you know, you didn’t have that conversation. If you knew you didn’t have that conversation, stand up. Say we didn’t have that conversation.
[00:21:43] You know, it’s okay. You can say that. Number three. They take bits and pieces of conversations and then redesign them into new truths, so they fashion like parts of conversation and then [00:22:00] say, oh, you know, we, we talked about parts of that. And then, They kind of make that into new truths, right? And that’s not okay either.
[00:22:09] Number four is they isolate you by using those absolutes. Remember everyone else and no one else. Not okay number. Five isolating you by making you think that you are not lovable. I’m the only one who truly loves you. Your family doesn’t really love you. Your friends don’t really, therefore no one else would ever love you either.
[00:22:37] That it’s not true, and that’s why you really do need a support system. That’s why you really do, and that’s why you really do need phrases for disarming narcissists. Which I have for you. We, you can get a disarm the narc.com. Make sure you go to disarm the narc.com. Grab my free phrases for disarming narcissist.
[00:22:59] And [00:23:00] you need a support system, by the way. So I have that too, which is Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung. That’s my free private Facebook group. Make sure you join that too. Okay. And I also have a, Sponsor on this channel, which is better Help, which you can go to Better help.com/rebecca Zung and get the help and support that you need.
[00:23:24] We receive commissions when you sign up with them. It does not cost you any extra. We just want you to have access to the help and support that you need. So number six. Six is making conversations and then making themselves out to be the victim of those conversations. Like I guess I’m just horrible, you know, reversing that conversation, right?
[00:23:48] When you’re trying to get them to see your side or have any feelings about you at all. Uh, you know, I’m just the terrible one, you know, reversing that. [00:24:00] That’s not okay either. Number seven is interrupting conversations so that you can never get to the point of what it is that you’re trying to say. Never the right time.
[00:24:12] It’s too loud, et cetera. So that’s number seven. And then number eight is never taking responsibility by, you know, wanting to take to, to just move on. Future fake. You move right to the new thing. And, and just forgetting about the past, that also invalidates your feelings and doesn’t give you a chance to heal and feel acknowledged and feel valued, and show them that you matter, right?
[00:24:43] That’s also a form of gaslighting and that is not okay. So that’s number eight. Number nine. Is making you think you’re crazy by saying things like, I’m not angry when they’re clearly [00:25:00] angry. You know, you are imagining things, you’re reading too much into things. That’s also a form of, of making you think you’re crazy and it causes this cognitive dissonance and this brain fog.
[00:25:15] Okay, so that’s. Number nine and number 10 is taking a lot of the focus off of what’s going on with what they did by making a lot of noise around your behavior, flowing things up around your behavior. And accusing you of all kinds of things when you didn’t do anything. But they make a lot of noise around what you are doing because they wanna take the focus off of themselves.
[00:25:49] So that’s number 10. All right, so those are 10 techniques, gaslighting techniques that narcissists use to also make you think [00:26:00] that you’re crazy and 21 gaslighting phrases that narcissists use as well. And I hope that it helps you so that you can start to take your own power back and start to feel your own sense of control.
[00:26:16] Cuz remember, step one, don’t run. Step two, make a U-turn. Step three, break free. Baby steps. Baby steps, baby steps. But remember, you can start to shift that dynamic. You can start to turn it all around. You know, you start to 180 degrees, turn that ship around, and then you can start to break free and take your power back.
[00:26:44] Okay? Really, really powerful stuff. Really, really good stuff. You can turn this around. I’ve helped thousands and thousands of people do the same thing. Remember, they only win if you give in, and [00:27:00] there’s absolutely no reason to do that because they really are more afraid of you than you are of them. I promise you that.
[00:27:10] Okay, so. Thank you all for listening. Thank you all for staying till the end. Remember that you can absolutely do this. Thanks for listening to this episode of Negotiate Your Best Life. Remember that I have brand new episode. Sos just like this on my YouTube channel every single day. So if you want to be empowered every single day, head over to my YouTube channel.
[00:27:39] And also you can follow me on Instagram at Rebecca Zung or my TikTok at Rebecca Zung as well. And remember that you can pre-order. My book right now is slay the bully.com and get early access to the manuscript as well as tons of other bonuses. And make sure [00:28:00] to register for my brand new webinar, my new masterclass at Break Free From Hell, and it’s breaking free from hell.
[00:28:10] Take back your power emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I can’t wait to support you in your journey to taking back your power and otherwise, I will see you right back here for the next. Episode of Negotiate Your Best Life. I am so excited to supporting you and remember that today’s a great day to start negotiating your best life.
