If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you’ve been through the love bombing, you’ve been through the devaluing and you have either already been through the discard phase or better start preparing for it. If you’ve experienced the discard phase, you’re probably wondering if they are actually done, and if you’re actually free. Before I begin this discussion, I’d really like to ensure that you understand that the narcissist in your life did not attach themselves to you because you have no value. Although they do devalue you through their behaviors, the bottom line is that they attach themselves to you because you have so much value. If a narcissist discards you, it is solely for one of the two below reasons.
They are no longer getting adequate supply from you.
The first reason a narcissist might decide to discard you is because they are no longer getting any form of supply from you- whatsoever. This usually only happens when you have set boundaries and/or have gone no-contact. Narcissists find incredible ways to get narcissistic supply from their victims. As long as they are getting supply from you, they will be lurking around. If you have gone no contact or have set super strong boundaries, the narcissist might continue to get supply from you by thinking that they can come back around in the future and regain control over you in some way, shape or form. This might be in the form of grabbing your attention, threatening, or intimidating you. These are great reasons for a narcissist to be in your space. If the narcissist thinks that there’s even a little bit of supply leftover to scrape out of you, they will come back to try and get it. They smell it like sharks smell blood in the water.
The main reason for them to discard you is because you are no longer their main source of supply. They will come back to get alternate forms of supply from you if they think they can; however, if you cannot supply them with their main source they will look elsewhere for it. Narcissists collect people as forms of supply like bears stock up on fish for hibernation. Keep this in mind when in the discard phase of the narcissistic relationship. It’s not about you – it’s about their endless need for supply.
They found a better form of supply elsewhere.
The next reason they will choose to discard you is if they find a source of supply that they deem is a better form of supply. When I was dealing with a narcissist in a business setting, I was discarded because that narcissist found an alternate form of supply that they thought would be better for them. Although it might be easy to take this personally or feel hurt by this, it is a good thing when a narcissist moves on! I was thankful that they would no longer be making my life miserable – although I felt bad for their new source. If they find a source of supply that’s going to be better for them, then off they will go. Remember that the narcissist didn’t attach themselves to you because you have zero value. They attach themselves to you because you have so much value. Do not try to change to become a better form of supply for them so that they will stay, they will only devalue you and move on eventually. Step back into your light and move forward.