Narcissists seem like they can never be fooled. They spend an incredible amount of time trying to control everything and everyone around them so that they can continue to get supply from their surroundings. Because of this, they are incredibly calculated. They are also incredibly suspicious because of their deep-seated insecurities. They even will tell you that they can never be fooled. They want you to believe that no one could ever pull the wool over their eyes. You may even believe that there’s nothing that you can do to fool them- because of how successful they are in their career or because of how many people who might admire them. There are, however, a few things to keep in mind in case you do want to do what seems to be the impossible – fooling them.
Believe in yourself.
Narcissists have spent so much time trying to devalue you and bring your level of self-esteem down so that they can keep you under their realm of control. I always say that 80% of a negotiation is won before you even walk into a room, and 50% of that 80% is actually believing that you can actually win. I believe fooling them is based on the same idea. Especially if you’ve been devalued by a narcissist for years and years, it can be incredibly difficult to get out of the losing mindset. You need to start thinking that you can turn things around and shift the dynamic. You must tell yourself and believe that they are not as strong as they think that they are and that you have come to believe that they are. Which is actually true. You are actually the stronger one. Fooling the narcissist begins with believing that you can.
The higher they fly, the harder the fall.
This is an important idea to remember when thinking about narcissists. Similarly to the above, you must shift the way you think about them. You must shift your perspective into thinking that the bigger they are, the easier the target they are. Do not forget who they are and what they are capable of. It’s important to educate yourself on what makes narcissists the way they are so that you can act accordingly. Keeping this all in mind while acting no different around them than you usually do, is going to be vital in fooling them.
Don’t take the bait.
The next step you can take to start fooling the narcissist in your life is by not buying into their emotional manipulation – by not taking the bait. At this point, they have probably studied you, your reactions, your likes and dislikes to a tee, and they’re going to think that they have you figured out. Start loving yourself more than you love them and stop reacting in the ways you normally do. It’s just bait used by the narcissist to get even more supply from you. Emotionally disconnect but don’t change the way that you react externally to them until you are ready to finally break free. Act like you’re upset, allow them to get supply, but internally be cool, calm, collected and feeling empowered. You can show your cards later on when you are ready to finally go no-contact.
Bartering is my term for sacrificing something in order to get what you want. In doing this, you can fool the narcissist by fluffing up their ego so that you can get what they want. Let’s say you ask your narcissist partner to help your child with their homework. You do so by phrasing it so that the narcissist thinks you’re asking them because you need them because of their skill set rather than because it’ll take things off of your plate. You can say to them, “You’re so much better at it than I am and he’ll be more successful if you help them than if I do.” In saying this you’ve fooled the narcissist into doing something for you by fluffing up their ego. This can apply in many different settings.
Invest in yourself
The biggest way to fool the narcissist who is so used to you begging for their forgiveness, pleading for their attention, and staying with them through all of the toxicity they’ve put you through is by starting to do things for yourself. Start secretly gathering your support team, investing in yourself, stashing your cash so that you can finally fool them by going no contact and staying out of contact with them. They will still think that your world revolves around them, but by investing yourself you will be doing so much more than just fooling them – you will be healing and preparing to live a life beyond what you thought was possible since they entered your life.