Narcissists are going to hate anything that may interrupt their supply source. They will even hate something that they think is going to interrupt their supply source- but really won’t. Everything that narcissists do and say is related to their constant quest for narcissistic supply. Narcissistic supply is anything that feeds their ego. They have no inner sense of value and so they derive all of their value and self-esteem from external sources. This is how they survive. Anything that might get in the way of their survival is something that narcissists will absolutely disdain.
Narcissists absolutely detest boundaries. Not only do they hate boundaries because they feel entitled to getting what they want- when they want it, they also hate boundaries because a boundary tells them that their narcissistic supply is at risk. Boundaries are absolutely essential if you want to shift the dynamic and stop allowing the narcissist in your life controlling you, devaluing you, and abusing you. When you do finally set a boundary, make sure you stick to it firmly. This will show them that they cannot actually always get what they want- when they want. This will show them that you are actually the one in control. They will absolutely hate this. If you are dealing with a malignant narcissist, definitely be careful when setting boundaries as it might trigger their narcissistic rage. Boundary setting is a form of self care but it is important to strategize the kinds of boundaries you will set, how you will set them, and when you will set them.
Lack of Control.
Narcissists hate not having control or feeling like they are out of control. They spend an inordinate amount of time trying to control everything and everyone around them. Nearly everything they do is done in an attempt to gain even more control over you or a given situation so that they can clear up anything that might get in the way of access supply from their source. When a narcissist is starting to feel out of control, you will see a very clear behavior pattern. You will likely see narcissistic rage, increased devaluing, and increased love-bombing or hoovering. In a negotiation setting, you are going to want to use the narcissists feelings of powerlessness to your advantage. This is when you are going to want to make your move.
Narcissists cannot stand the idea of people finding out who they really are and how they really feel- about others and themselves. Narcissists have no self-esteem, have a history of trauma, and lack empathy. They do not want people to know this about them because then they might catch on to why they do the things they do and how to counter it. This is the number one thing that will threaten a narcissist’s supply.
Narcissists cannot stand imperfections. Because they spend most of their lives trying to control everything around them, if one thing is out of place in their mind – they will absolutely loathe whatever it is that is out of place. They will also hate any imperfections about themselves. Narcissists actually have zero sense of self-esteem and so they are incredibly insecure and will hate anything about themselves that they might think is imperfect. They will also be incredibly sensitive as to what others might think is imperfect about them. They want the world to view them as incredible so that they can rest easy knowing that they do have some sort of value in the world.
Everything that they do and everything that they hate is because deep, deep down, they hate themselves. They hate themselves more than they hate anything – although their behaviors say otherwise. Really everything they do comes down to this. Although this is an incredibly sad fact, it is important not to get manipulated into caring for these people – as they will never change their devaluing behaviors.