Lawyers know the law. They do not understand or know all of the information that you understand and have access to. You are the one that has access to the best information and evidence that you will use to create leverage and to build a strategy so that your lawyer can actually be useful. Over reliance on your lawyer is just going to get you to a place where you have spent lots and lots of money and feel like you haven’t gotten anywhere. Oftentimes, your lawyer won’t even understand narcissism let alone how to deal with narcissists in court. I certainly didn’t. I had been a lawyer for many, many years before even hearing about narcissism. I would sometimes think a client, or someone involved in a case, was an extremely difficult person but I didn’t actually understand the concept of narcissism.
It is important for you, and your attorney, to understand what exactly it is that you’re dealing with when attempting to negotiate with a narcissist. The first thing you must know is that narcissists need an endless amount of supply. In a court setting, supply often comes from jerking you around. Although they will say differently, most of them have no reason to settle a case because they live off of the supply that they get from jerking you around and dragging things out.
You and your lawyer are going to want to figure out a way to threaten the supply source that means more to them than jerking you around. You aren’t going to want to take it away immediately, you’ll initially just want to threaten it. You will have to figure out what supply matters most to them, package up that information, and take it to your lawyer. Your lawyer will then help you use this as leverage.
Lawyers want to win cases. They want to get good results for their clients. A lot of people are under the assumption that lawyers just want to make money; and although this is definitely a motivator for many attorneys, most just want to win their cases. If you bring comprehensive and organized information to your lawyer it will be a massive help to them in resolving your case. They will want this. They will actually need this when dealing with a narcissist.
It’s important to remember that you are the one with the facts. Lawyers can apply the law to the facts and then advise you on where you stand under the law. You are the one that needs to learn how to package up the information you have in a way that will help your lawyer create the best strategy for you. For example, you are sitting on all of the emails, text messages, social media posts, or any written communications that you’ve ever had with the narcissist. You need to organize, categorize, and summarize all of this information so that your attorney can use this to make the best possible argument for your case.
Yes this is work. A lot of people will hire an attorney and wonder why things aren’t getting done or moving forward. If you are dealing with a narcissist and things are moving slowly, it’s likely because you haven’t done the imperative work that needs to be done to help your attorney win your case.
Doing this will help shift the dynamic by putting you back into the driver’s seat. It’s vital to remember that your lawyer is just an instrument that you must learn to play in order to get what you want. Over reliance on your attorney will equate to spending more and more money on attorney’s fees over an even longer period of time. You are on the reasonable path of wanting to settle the case in a fair and just way. They, on the other hand, are on the path of wanting to suck as much supply from you as they can through weaponizing the court system.