Narcissists have an innate need to control everything around them so that they can continue to get narcissistic supply. Narcissists have no inner sense of value. This is because of either a trauma that they endured as children or an over-indulgence provided to them by their caregivers. Since they cannot feel fulfilled, they try to get a sense of fulfillment through narcissistic supply. Narcissistic supply is the only thing that will give them a sense of fulfillment and purpose; although they can never get enough from it. They are on an endless search for anything that feeds their egos and will attempt to control anything or anyone around them to obtain this. Supply can come in the form of money, a prestigious job, the right house or spouse but often comes in the form of much darker things such as devaluing, debasing and treating others poorly. When a narcissist is feeling out of control and afraid of losing their supply or having their injury getting exposed, they will most likely act out in one of the below ways.
Every narcissist has what is called a narcissistic injury. This injury is what lives deep inside of them and tells them constantly that they are no good. In addition to going to any lengths to get narcissistic supply from people, places, and things, they will also put in the same effort to protect this narcissistic injury at all costs. If a narcissist feels as if there is a possibility of their injury becoming exposed, their narcissistic rage will get triggered. Narcissistic rage is similar to that of a two year old throwing a tantrum because they are not getting what they want. This rage is one tell-tale sign that they have started to feel like they’re losing control.
Increased Devaluing Behaviors
Another way to gage whether or not a narcissist is starting to feel like they are losing control is through their devaluing behaviors. Although devaluing is something that is a part of every narcissistic relationship, devaluing behaviors get especially exacerbated when narcissists feel out of control. As horrible as this might sound, if their devaluing behaviors are occurring more often or in a more intense way, they are probably feeling out of control. They are really good at reading you, especially if you’ve been with them for a very long time. They know your weaknesses. Random and personal attacks towards you that they know will affect you are good signs of this as well.
LoveBombing (If Devaluing Behaviors Fail Them)
Once they have devalued you to try and gain control back, they may start to love-bomb you again if they feel as if their efforts resulted in less than their expectations for having complete and total control. They will likely try to re-woo you with the same charisma that brought you into their life.