Remember that Narcissists like to devalue, judge, and put people down. They want to believe and often do believe that they are better than everyone else; however, deep inside they actually feel smaller than everyone else. They have no inner sense of value and are actually quite scared. This is their biggest secret.
You are actually the stronger one. You are actually the more secure one. They just want you to think that you’re not and will project everything they can on to you, especially through some of their most beloved catchphrases.
“You interrupted me.”
“You didn’t let me finish what I was saying.”
Saying this allows for the Narcissist to shift the conversation and take their control back. This deflects from whatever initial message the other individual was trying to portray in the conversation back on to the Narcissist and what his or her needs might be. Narcissists will always come up with a reason to devalue anything that you might say showing you, through these words, that whatever you are saying doesn’t matter to them.
“Just because I didn’t…”
This is ultimately another form of Narcissistic manipulation. They will say this as a way to make you responsible for their actions. For instance, you ask a narcissist to take out the trash and it hasn’t been done yet. You ask them about it and remind them. They say to you, “Just because I didn’t do it as soon as you wanted me to doesn’t mean that I’m not going to do it.” This is a perfect example of Narcissists making you feel guilty for having needs and wants especially when there needs and wants are the only ones that matter. Saying this will also make you feel as if there’s something wrong with you. In response, you might feel like you are overbearing or controlling whereas you actually have a reasonable request and they are using this verbiage as a way to manipulate your emotions and behaviors. You might end up groveling trying to make them feel better because all of a sudden they have become a victim to your simple requests. This is exactly what they want you to do and by doing this, you’re not only enabling their behavior but also giving them the Narcissistic supply they want and expect from you.
“What about you and your issues”
This is one of their favorite devaluing and deflecting tactics. If you criticize them or say something that they may receive as crticisism, they will nearly always deflect by devaluing you. They will take this opportunity to point out all of the things that you do wrong, all of the things that you need to work on, etc. They will certainly not take responsibility for their behavior so instead they will divert the conversation by bringing up all of the things that they think is wrong with you.
“What more do you want from me?”
This is a typical narcissistic faux-pology. A lot of times you’ll hear them say that they are sorry that they couldn’t be perfect for you or that they are sorry that you feel a certain way. This isn’t an apology, this is another way of deflecting the blame back on to you in hopes of manipulating you into feeling guilty or bad. Your response is crucial in that if you react neutrally, you will not be giving them the narcissistic supply they are looking for.
“You made me…”
Once again, a Narcissist placing all of the blame back onto you. They will make you believe, or at least try to, that all of their negative behaviors are done in reaction to everything you do or don’t do properly. They might say that you made them cheat on you or that you put them in the position that they are in. Whatever they did it’s your fault. If you had been different, things would be okay.
“You’re the only one”
Narcissists gaslight their victims in a plethora of ways. One of the ways they do this is by making you feel alone and isolated. They will make you believe that you are alone in your thoughts and opinions- devalidating you and your experience. If you judge or criticize them, they will tell you that you’re the only one who thinks that. They line up their flying monkeys beforehand in an effort to make these statements believable and almost honest. The Narcissist will get to them before you even have the chance to talk about them behind their back. So, when they say this – it has often become true because they have manipulated everyone around them to see them in a positive light. This is a form of gaslighting because they want to make you feel alone and delusional.