Five Tips from a Divorce Attorney on How to Survive and THRIVE after Divorce
The words “divorce” and “thrive” are not often used in the same sentence. Many would say that’s the definition of oxymoron. Usually it’s more like “divorce” and “survive” or “divorce” and “trauma”, but that doesn’t have to be the case. Many millions survive divorce. Others actually thrive. As a divorce attorney who practiced law for nearly two decades, I saw the gamut. Those who could never move on. Addicted to the litigation. And those who quickly grasped that hanging on meant you’re the one drinking the poison. So, from the view in the trenches, here are 5 ways to not only survive divorce, but to actually thrive.
Start with a Strong and Very Specific Divorce Settlement Agreement: If you want to be able to move on, then you will want to remove all potential barriers to success. If your divorce settlement has gray areas, or is open to interpretation, you and your ex will end up fighting over what it was supposed to say, or what it was supposed to mean, or what was “intended” and you won’t be able to move on with your life.
Get the Finances Split Right Away Then Check Your Credit in a Few Months: Just as having a specific settlement agreement will help, so will executing on all of the terms right away. Get the bank accounts split, get the mortgage refinanced to get the ex’s name off of it, change your passwords, or whatever needs to be done to get out of each other’s financial lives. Then check your credit in a few months to be sure there’s nothing new on there. Remember your ex has your social security number and knows your mother’s maiden name.
Stop Thinking and Focusing on What Your Ex is Doing: If you are still caught up in whether your ex has a new significant other, or what he or she is spending money on, what he or she is doing, (and the list is endless), then you won’t be able to clear the space for your new opportunities in your new life to come in. Leave the ex behind, and move forward.
Find a New Group of Single Friends: One of the hardest things for people to adjust to is not being part of the “couple” any more. Couples tend to hang out with other couples, so oftentimes newly single people feel isolated and alone. Go on Meetup or find groups of singles in your area who do Book Clubs, hiking, traveling, karaoke, wine tours, whatever. Just get out of the house and make friends with others who are in the same new singles boat that you’re now traveling in.
Forgive, Laugh and Find Your Passion: Forgiving your ex isn’t for the ex – it is for you. Stop drinking the poison and thinking the ex will feel the effects. Then find opportunities to get that serotonin released by laughing. Watch comedies on Netflix, or spend time with people who lift your spirits. Stevie Nicks said in Landslide “I’ve been afraid of changing because I’ve built my life around you.” This rings true for many. The key is to rebuild your life around something else. So think about what your passion is – what you’ve always wanted to do, and do it!
Are you contemplating or experiencing divorce now? Download my absolutely free divorce survival guide right here. www.yourdivorcesurvivalguide.com You can also get more information about my transformational programs right here.