Today’s topic is one that we all need to be skilled in – and not just in divorce – but in life in general– how to create leverage!

First of all – let’s define what leverage is.   Leverage is that thing that you have that helps you gain an advantage in negotiations.   It creates incentive in the other side to settle or resolve the negotiations in a way that you want them to.

Why do you want it?   You want it because you want a fair settlement.  You want what the law provides for you.  And you your divorce to be over.  Quickly. Painlessly. And not cost you thousands in attorneys’ fees.  All very good reasons to want to make sure you have leverage, and then use it to your advantage.

For some, especially women, or those who think this means “game playing” in some way –  this is a difficult topic.   You might think – “I don’t want to appear greedy.”  “I don’t want to fight, so I just want to say what it is that I want and resolve it all.”  “I don’t want to take too much.”  I have heard all of these many times and versions of these statements.

But here’s the thing.  It comes down to psychology.   People have to feel like they “got” something – especially in divorce negotiations.  They want to feel that they got something that “you wanted”.

Want to know a dirty little divorce secret?  Being the “nice” one in the divorce rarely gets you where you want to be.

So how do you get leverage?

  1. First know the value of what you have that the other side might want
  2. Do your research.  Figure out the value if you need to.   Figure out what the other side may argue and then be prepared to meet that argument with sound reasoning that based in fact and research.
  3. Figure out what incentives the other side.
  4. Don’t give away your leverage too early in the game.  Make sure to save it for when you might need it.

I give lots more advice about how to skillfully negotiate the divorce settlement you want in my Delete Alt Control Divorce Masterclasses!  The Core 4 Series and the Core 4+ Kids series.   Skip the hassle.  Save the fees. You can check them out by visiting my website at  

Thanks for joining me today.  I give tips, tricks and divorce secrets every day.   If you enjoyed this, please head on over to my youtube channel and hit subscribe. Also remember for a free copy of my bestselling divorce book, please check out Just cover a small shipping fee and your own step by step divorce guide will be delivered right to your door.

See you tomorrow for Wednesday Divorce Wisdom. Until then, remember you’re just one step away from your new life.   Together, we’ve got this.

Divorce help; divorce advice; divorce tips; divorce secrets


More From Rebecca's Blog
How to Create Leverage in Divorce Negotiations!

Do This Instead of Calling Out Narcissists

When you're thinking about telling the narcissist that they're a narcissist, please don't do it. Do this instead. I have dealt with narcissists in my life, and a couple of them are very close to me. I know narcissists firsthand. Unfortunately, I've learned the hard...

read more
How to Create Leverage in Divorce Negotiations!

How do you uncover a covert narcissist?

Coworkers and friends with narcissistic personalities are not always easy to identify as such. Their behavior or opinions may seem a little off, but everyone has their quirks. How can you tell if they truly are a narcissist? Find out below what traits our readers...

read more
How to Create Leverage in Divorce Negotiations!

Working with a Narcissist? 13 Common Mistakes to Avoid

Mistake 1 - Call a narcissist a narcissist to their face Calling a narcissist a narcissist, no matter how true it may be, won’t help. Additionally, naming someone a narcissist is unprofessional unless you are a mental health practitioner who has been licensed and who...

read more
How to Create Leverage in Divorce Negotiations!

How to Avoid Hiring a Narcissist

How can you avoid hiring a narcissist if narcissists out-perform non-narcissists at job interviews? According to several studies published in business and psychology journals, narcissists receive more favorable hiring ratings from job interviewers than individuals who...

read more