By Rebecca Zung, Esq.
Hearts … flowers … candy … romantic dinners …
If your Valentine’s Day does not include any of the items on that list because you have either experienced divorce or are experiencing it now, there is great news for you! Decide that “V” Day means “Victory Day” this year and every year.
In my book Breaking Free: A Step by Step Guide to Achieving Emotional Physical and Spiritual Freedom, I offer ways to free your spirit and live the life you were meant to live. Here are a few of the tips from book, which by weaving into your life, you can make your V Day Victory day.
Laugh Every Day and Often
Divorce is an excruciating, painful and traumatic process.
Finding ways to bring levity to this heavy process makes it more bearable and also is good for your health. The field of gelotology (from the Greek word “gelos” meaning laughter) is the study of the psychological and physiological benefits of laughter. The benefits are so strong that psychologists prescribe “laughter therapy” and yogis have developed “laughter yoga” and “laughter meditation”.
Human beings are unique from other species for our gift of laughter. Statistics show that on average, children laugh 400 times a day. Adults only laugh about 11 times a day, and sometimes less.
More than just the psychological or physiological benefits, laughter is food for your soul.
It is the path to spiraling upward instead of downward. During and after a divorce is an opportune time to cultivate a habit of laughter.
Declare Who You Are And What Your Life Is
A declaration is more than a powerful statement.
It is the first step in creation. We can harness the power of our “word” to create anything we want through our declarations. Just as our country’s Founding Fathers declared independence from England in creating our country, you can now declare your independence and create whatever life you want.
History is replete with highly evolved souls who have known this truth and have spoken about it.
“The mind is everything. What you think you become,” Buddha extolled.
Psychologists have called it a “self-fulfilling prophecy.”
From a purely physical stance, your thoughts are energy. A thought from in the brain ignites physical and biological waves of energy that are emitted into the world. Just as you can feel the warmth of a fire—even though you can’t see the warmth—you know the warmth is there because you can feel it. Your thoughts set up your world to match accordingly. It is a mirror that reflects back to you, not the other way around. If you want a different life, declare it. Feel it. Know it.
Start Living Your Passion Right Now
As you discover your new life, the time is now to discover your true passions.
If your declarations are like bones and muscles, and integrity like tendons and ligaments, passion is the energy that propels the body.
Passion is more than begin enthusiastic about an activity. It consumes you. It is something you feel with very cell in your body, as well as your heart, your mind and your spirit. So to find your true passion, you actually have to have passion about finding your passion. You have to decide that NOW is the time — that you’ve lived long enough without it and you will NOT stand for it any longer.
So live passionately, surround yourself with others who also live passionately, schedule time to live passionately, listen to your intuition and create a life around your passions once you find them.
Feel Your Power And Choose To Live It
Margaret Thatcher once said, “Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.”
The world often defines power as having great wealth, a position of great exultation or dominion or control over others. This is not authentic power.
Authentic power is not competitive. It does not feel the need to be better, stronger, prettier, or smarter than another. People who are authentically powerful source their power from within themselves. The source is deep within your core.
By overcoming fear, you begin to feel your power.
Think about times in your life when you finally did something you were initially afraid to do. By facing your fears head-on and overcoming them, you nurture your authentic power. Face them again and again and you will begin to feel stronger and more complete than you ever have.
Transitioning out of a relationship is scary and difficult. Realizing that you can smoothly do it in a way in which you feel whole and compete is an accomplishment. Overcoming your fears, worries and anger, and emerging stronger, more secure and more joyful than ever is a triumph
Declare Your Independence
Being free has different contexts in the environment of divorce.
Freedom means the absence of boundaries and limitations.
The word “divorce” is derived from the Latin word “divortere” which means to divert. Divorce doesn’t mean to dissolve or to sever; it means to diverge. It simply means that each person has moved in a different direction, each one free to choose how his or her new life will be created.
Being set free from a relationship that does not serve your highest self is a gift.
The surprise gift you didn’t expect is the unearthing and unleashing of the hero that has always lived inside of you. The surprise is that it is in this process of transition and discovery you begin to clear a space. By exorcising the demons of fear, worry, anger, resentment and bitterness, you make room for the possibilities of declaration, laughter, passion, power and freedom.
Discovering every type of freedom is the silver lining in your divorce – is your true Victory on this V Day.
This shift in perspective will be your true measure of freedom. Your time has come to shine your light about the world.
Let freedom ring!
Rebecca Y. Zung is the founding partner of the Law Office of Rebecca Zung-Clough, PLLC, a pre-eminent marital and family law firm in Southwest Florida. She has practiced in the area of family law for many years and strongly believes in divorce with dignity.
Rebecca is the author of a new book, Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide for Achieving Emotional, Physical and Spiritual Freedom. Comprised of three sections: Emotional Freedom, Physical Freedom and Spiritual Freedom, Breaking Free is written in an accessible tone that provides a simple, fresh and sometimes humorous approach to all of the issues and emotions readers will encounter.