Things haven’t been good for a while. The fighting. The uncomfortable silence. The unspoken resentments. The anger. The sadness. It’s been thicker and denser than London fog lingering in the air. Permeating. More toxic than the layer of smog hanging over the city of Los Angeles.
And so the time has come. The inevitable time to make the decision to divorce. Even if you want the divorce, it’s traumatic. How do I know? I’ve been there. I’ve been divorced and I have represented thousands of divorcing individuals as an attorney. I’ve been part of the guerilla warfare for nearly all of my adult life. I am a Woman Warrior, a Girl Gladiator, and Steel Magnolia Soldier. How did I get here?
It’s inevitable. It’s been coming for months. It’s unavoidable. There’s no other way. And now you’re ready. Ready for him to be out of the house. Ready to have some peace in your life. Ready to not have the emotional roller coaster of negative energy in your space.
So, can you kick him out of the house? And then change the locks on the doors so he can’t get back in?
The words “divorce” and “thrive” are not often used in the same sentence. Many would say that’s the definition of oxymoron. Usually it’s more like “divorce” and “survive” or “divorce” and “trauma”, but that doesn’t have to be the case. Many millions survive divorce. Others actually thrive. As a divorce attorney who practiced law for nearly two decades, I saw the gamut. Those who could never move on. Addicted to the litigation. And those who quickly grasped that hanging on meant you’re the one drinking the poison. So, from the view in the trenches, here are 5 ways to not only survive divorce, but to actually thrive.
Divorce. The “D” Word.
For most though, it feels more like it should be an “F” word. F for Fear. F for Fury. F for Fragmented. F for Failure. But does it have to mean those things? The answer is a resounding no.
The D Word can mean Direction, Dream, Daring. Easier said than however. Divorce is consistently listed as one of the most traumatic events that one could ever possibly experience and yet, it is experienced by at least half of married couples. Yet, until recently there has not been any sort of lay person guidance to get through divorce. People dealing with divorce would have to be paying per the minute for billable hours to get the attention of attorneys or therapists. And even for those who could afford such services, most people still feel like they are in groping the hallways in a scary, haunted house to get through their divorce.